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Meme via tumblr
Okay, I hardly ever meme, but I need something to re-awaken my fanfiction organs, I think, so here, ask me about the one that's going around tumblr right now. (Not posting to tumblr because trying to do this sort of thing in tumblr posts is terrible in all ways.)
scootiemcbooty:
...any ship, but depending on what ship you ask for, you may get what you deserve.
scootiemcbooty:
Put a ship inmy aska comment and I will tell you a bit about how each of the following scenarios would go down for them:
Okay, requests closed, sorry, I've wasted too much time on this already. :P
- Fake dating
- BodyswapÂ
- Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it
- Dark!fic
- Secret kinks
- Their first kiss
- Meeting the parents
- Moving in together
- A crossover of my choice
- An au of my choice
- If you like, another trope/scenario of your choice
...any ship, but depending on what ship you ask for, you may get what you deserve.
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...this was probably started as a joke on Hilarion's part that got rapidly out of hand after Alexios decided it would serve him right if he played it up. Maybe some higher-ups come to see how they're doing with the Attacotti, and they spend the whole time making snide comments about how Alexios is too kind to the men and too friendly with the barbarians and *especially* too easy on that insubordinate ducenarius who is always leaning on things, if you know what I mean and I think you do, and Hilarion picks up on it and decides to play the Commander's catamite just for giggles (and to entertain the men). He expects Alexios to go all stiff and try to stop him, but Alexios is just as fed up with the visitors as he is, and also kind of fed up with Hilarion at this point, so he remembers one particularly obnoxious aristocrat he knew when he was a kid and plays it up, and Hilarion gets really confused, etc. etc. (the higher-ups are disgusted but they can't actually find anything wrong with the running of the fort, and when Alexios' uncle hears about the report he just sighs a lot.)
Bodyswap
Would consist mostly of Alexios going "Don't destroy my command while pretending to be me!" and Hilarion saying "No worries" in the least reassuring way possible, and mimicking Alexios in a way that seems flawless to everyone other than Alexios, and spendsing a lot of time coaching Alexios in how to relax already, I didn't even know my body *could* be that tense, Alexios, you really need to get laid. It would probably result in some sort of heartwarming, plotty resolution where Hilarion has to actually command in a crisis and is actually kind of good at it but hates everything about it intensely and Hilarion and Alexios both learn important things about life as a result of having to pretend to be each other.
Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it
Okay, I'll be honest: I'm *way* more interested in what happens when the sex pollen winds sweep down over the wall from the North and the entire fort of Castellum is sex pollen whammied. Cunorix tries to explain but Alexios doesn't really... understand, and the men of the Wolves respect him but that doesn't mean they want to try to explain something like that to him. So they show their respect for him by locking him in his quarters with Hilarion on the day of - Hilarion whines for months after about missing out on most of the fun, but both him and Alexios are blushing at the time, so everybody knows he doesn't really mean it.
Dark!fic
Canon. This is canon. Let's not.
Secret kinks
..this is kind of hard because things Romans considered kinks are different from modern kinks, and I'm not that well up on my Roman sex right now. Uh. Alexios secretly doesn't actually care about all the penetrator/penetrated status/hierarchy stuff involved in Roman sex, he just likes, you know, being with someone? He actually likes swapping out who does what and how, and he does get a little thrill of the subversive from it, from doing 'degrading' things but defiantly not feeling degraded by them. And Hilarion actually likes a certain amount of ordering around in bed, but not in the roles the Romans approve of. I don't think this stays secret very long once they get together, though, and any other kinky stuff they do they pretty willingly explore together.
Their first kiss
It's embarrassing but neither of them can remember. There were handjobs and sleeping together and frottage and lots of general touching and even oral sex before they got around to kissing, and then one very cold winter night Hilarion paushed in the middle of sex and was like "when did we start with kissing each other?" and they can't actually remember.
Meeting the parents
Hilarion met Alexios's mother while Alexios was unconscious, actually; she turned up while he was recovering and Hilarion spent a lot of time attempting (with some success) to keep a straight face while dealing with her, and keep her from upsetting Alexios too much. He finds her amusing; Alexios finds her exasperating; so basically pretty much every time after that when Alexios has to deal with her, he just sends Hilarion to take her out shopping or something.
Hilarion never mentions his parents, not even after decades. For all Alexios can tell (and from what Hilarion has, sometimes, whispers that he would rather remember) he sprang up fully formed in the Frontier Wolves.
Moving in together
Canon. This is also canon.
A crossover of my choice
The one where Hilarion is manning an almost-entirely-automated monitoring station on the Romulan side of the Neutral Zone and secretly smuggling Romulan Ale to Cunorix and Connla on the Federation side, and also sometimes military secrets (both ways, and under various orders - it's long been understood that the main reason the monitoring stations are still manned is so that they can be believably 'unofficial' information conduits) and then honorable Alexios is sent there in exile to be his 'Commander' and things get rapidly more complicated depending on how long I want the darn story to end up being and how closely I'm paralleling canon.
An au of my choice
...this is surprisingly hard, I don't really think in terms of AUs for this canon, and there aren't really any places where I can change canon events but keep it Alexios/Hilarion.
I know! Regency Romance AU. What could possibly go wrong there??
Werewolves
So as much as Frontier Wolf cries out for werewolf AUs, I actually think that if I wrote it, it would be a lot more subltle? The Wolves don't actually transform into wolves, they don't even really get special wolfy powers, but all the same, once you've killed your brother and slept in his skin, you become part of a kinship that you share only with other Wolves. You dream of the wolves, and of running with your pack-mates, and the Frontier Wolves can communicate wordlessly and cooperate and hunt as a pack and fight like wolves and howl complicated messages to each other over the hills. The Tribesmen treat them as the uncanny creatures they are, and once you've been a wolf for awhile you don't... read as fully human to other humans, not without making a special effort; you don't move like a human or emote like a human or think like a human anymore, really, and that's why nobody ever leaves the Frontier Wolves, not by choice, anyway.
Alexios was a Wolf long enough to never be able to leave them, but a short enough time that he still passes, mostly; Hilarion has always been better than most at keeping his wolf nature hidden under a facade; so when the pack is split up and it's just the two of them, most people don't even notice, and they still have their pack of two and wear their wolfskins. (the Attacotti notice, though. They know that their Roman commanders are not as other men; they can smell spirit on the wind and they move like wild creatures when they are roused.)
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Also, please tell me that someone is writing the sex pollen story. I would even write it, that's how much I want to read it.
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Let's just go with this one. :P
Bodyswap
...every single scenario I can come up with for this ends up at variation on "Ezar is dying in a way that would be very inconvenient for the Imperium; Aral is young(ish) and strong and devoted to the Emperor and the closest thing to an heir that everybody might be able to agree on, but also desperately doesn't want the job, and is emotionally at something of a personal nadir; it is arranged that they secretly swap bodies so Aral can quietly and peacefully die in Ezar's place while young strong Ezar-in-Aral's body reconsolidates power; it's horrible but vaguely plausible in a world only about two steps darker than canon and I don't want to think about it anymore. D:
Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it
...I don't believe anyone or anything could ever make Ezar do anything he didn't want to do, sorry. So the only way this happens is if Ezar arranges for it to happen.
Dark!fic
Canon. This is canon. (This is also any possible during-canon Ezar/Aral that doesn't go rapidly AU.)
Secret kinks
They both like hurting each other. And not in a fun-with-whips-and-knives way, in a 'causing serious emotional damage' way. There's a lot of resentment there, and they both feel like each other is maybe the only safe outlet for lashing out. (NO this is not in any way healthy for a relationship but you did ask for Aral/Ezar.) And they provoke it in each other - Aral because he thinks he deserves it, Ezar because he thinks being hurt proves he can still feel. (They like it when they're not hurting each other, too, but that part never lasts.)
Their first kiss
From the outside, looked wonderfully, perfectly romantic after a candlelight dinner etc. From the inside, was the result of a carefully planned campaign of manipulation on Ezar's part (...that he may have rushed a little in the end, yes, but not to the point where he was taking any undue chances.)
Meeting the parents
Piotr sighed a lot but privately admitted to Ezar that the boy could have chosen a lot worse, and probably would have if left to himself, given some of his friends from school.
Moving in together
After Aral becomes Regent, he stays at Vorkosigan house not just because of the political symbolism, but also because Ezar is still far too present in the Residence: he never feels alone there, even when he is; and the fact that he finds it more comforting than anything is the most disconcerting part.
After they have to move in anyway, the scent of smoke and plasma-fire that still permeates the place helps some, because it's a reminder that this is Cordelia's house now, she's renovated it in a way that's far more Cordelia than she ever did any of the Vorkosigan properties, but Ezar is still there too, somehow, soaked into the wood deeper than any smoke. He makes his peace with it eventually, more or less.
A crossover of my choice
...what I am discovering in this meme is that crossovers are not really about non-crossover pairings for me. Uh. The Doctor shows up when Ezar is young and takes him exploring, and then they drop by later and pick up young!Aral, too? It is a very scary Team Tardis, that.
An au of my choice
This one. (Or the one you were writing upthread from that, I'm not picky.)
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THAT BODYSWAP ONE OH ARAL
AND THE REALLY FUCKED UP SEX AND ALLLLL THE MANIPULATION
AND PIOTR BEGRUDINGLY APPROVES OF EZAR/ARAL BECAUSE ARAL HAS TOTALLY DONE WORSE
AND MOVING IN WITH EZAR'S GHOST
and omg that team TARDIS. Depending on Aral's age, oh man. But can you imagine 14 year old Aral? After the war, and then I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLDDDD SHINING SHIMMERING SPLENDED. And it's all part of some kind of Ghost of Christmas Future for Ezar.
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I scared myself with the bodyswap one. But...Barrayar has canon bodyswap tech and it is HORRIFYING, so.
And actually the Ezar's Ghost one could be a canon-ish one that was kind of fluffy! I mean, other than the fact that Ezar's dead and there was just a civil war that burnt down half the residence, but it's fluffy by Aral standards?
....imagine a Team TARDIS with pre-Cetagandan Invasion Ezar and post-Komarr Aral. Hold it in your heart. Then imagine Aral coming back from his sojourn with the Doctor and bb!Ezar and running right into the planning for the Escobar invasion.
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Fake dating
People start commenting somewhat pointedly that maybe Vetinari should marry and have children before he gets much older, so that there can be a neat transition of power. Vetinari's NOPE response to this in all possible ways is so strong that nobody can even tell that his politeness in response is pointed. To stop this he starts quietly adding fuel to the pre-existing rumors that he and Vimes are... like that, which nobody dares mention openly (especially anywhere that it could get back to Vimes) but it quietly becomes an established fact in certain circles anyway, which is enough to shut people up about the marriage and children thing, or at least to decide that Young Sam is close enough to the Patrician having an heir; Vetinari is more than willing to let that stand for as long as it serves the city.
Bodyswap
NO
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
It takes Drumknott longer than it should to recognize that it's not the Patrician saying that, but Vimes in his body. Then he sighs and sends a pigeon to the Vimes house, and shortly thereafter the Commander of the Watch appears to 'keep a personal eye' on the Patrician while they work on figuring out who has cast this dreadful spell on him.
Fortunately there's precedent for Vimes becoming clingy and possessive whenever the Patrician is even slightly ill; sure, there's a bit of restlessness in the city's upper echelon, but a meeting is called in the Rats Chamber, and 'Vimes' just sort of.. .lightly strokes the axe that's still embedded in the table, and the expression on his face is such a terrifying mix of worst bits of both the Commander and the Patrician that it's actually unusually quiet in the city until well after they fix things.
Once they manage to pry Vimes-in-Vetinari's body out of his catatonia of NOPE the two of them actually work together very well to keep the city running smoothly and fix the bodyswap, although Drumknott isn't entirely sure that all of those all-out sparring sessions to 'teach each other how their bodies move, just in case' were really necessary.
Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it
...fuck or die is just a thing that happens sometimes in Ankh-Morpork. I mean, the wizards obviously can't perform the sex magic rituals that are needed to save the city, they're wizards; Vimes can't figure out if Vetinari is asking him to be his partner because he actually trusts him, because he thinks it's entertaining to watch Vimes try to wriggle out of it, or because he enjoys the irony of the last descendant of Old Stoneface taking part in a ritual originally designed for kings (and taking the King's part, although Vetinari has decided not to tell him that bit until he's agreed.) Vimes spends a great deal of time and energy trying to wriggle out of it anyway, and he almost figured out a way to do it (being Vimes) but Sybil told him she thought it was a lovely idea, and why was he trying to avoid it so hard, anyway? And Carrot pointed out, sort of in passing, that it would be almost more like having sex with the city than having sex with Vetinari, so... what with one thing and another, they did, and they saved the city, and Vimes is never speaking of it again, ever, no matter if Vetinari occasionally looks at him like that with his hands... being his hands and Sybil raises her eyebrows at them in that way she does.
Dark!fic
An AU where Vimes ends up ruling the city. There are a bunch of branch points in canon where you could set this up. Either Vetinari is dead and Vimes is handling it poorly, or Vetinari is pulling Vimes' strings from behind the scenes and they're both handling it poorly, or Vimes has overthrown/outmaneuvered Vetinari and is keeping him imprisoned in a dungeon he *doesn't* have the key to, one with no rats, and is handling it poorly.
Secret kinks
Vetinari's secret is that he is not actually competely immune to sex. Once you've gotten that far with him (which has happened maybe twice in his life) none of the rest of it is really a secret in comparison.
Vimes's secret kinks are secret from Vimes. Sybil has slowly either coaxed them out of him or deduced them without ever letting him know that they're anything the least bit unusual, for fear of spooking him; it's delicate enough luring him to bed in the first place, and though he's quite generous with doing the things *she* wants, he seems very invested in thinking of himself as 'normal' in his marriage bed. (honestly his kinks are mostly fairly tame, as these things go, and generally involve either trust and control or his fixation on the city, or both.) After she starts sharing him with the Patrician she invites him over for tea and they compare notes, although as she'd figured, Vetinari had already figured most of them out years ago. (After a few months with Vetinari, Vimes starts being a lot more adventurous with Sybil too, and Sybil smiles into her tea and congratulates herself on arranging things so neatly for all of them.)
Their first kiss
Vimes is blaming stress and exhaustion, okay? He never would have done that if he was in his right mind.
Meeting the parents
Young!Vetinari goes to investigate Vimes's family in the aftermath of the short-lived Republic. He is involuntarily charmed and utterly horrified, and makes himself return to Cockbill Street every so often to remind himself that there are people who think living like that is something to be proud of and aspire to. (He never tells Vimes about this.)
IIRC, Vimes met Vetinari's aunt during Night Watch, didn't he? It was a confusing and terrifying experience and he has made it a major life goal to never do that again.
Moving in together
After he resigns the Patricianship and turns it over to his chosen successor and ensures that the transition runs smoothly and so on, Vetinari quietly moves in with the Duke of Ankh and his family. Nobody comments on this (especially not the Duke of Ankh.) He takes to spending a lot of time in the dragon pens helping Sybil, although considering that his last couple of dogs were rumored to be part-swamp dragon anyway, nobody should have been that surprised. The new Patrician knows better than to come to the old one for help - it would destabilize his reign and Vetinari is not interested in involving himself anymore, anyway - but everyone knows Sybil Vimes knows everyone and can organize everything, so if one's wife occasionally mentions one's difficulties to her at a charity function one of them has organized, and this results in Sybil inviting one to the house for dinner to discuss how her family can be of assistance, well, that's certainly no reflection on oneself, even if one does spend most of the evening with one's face flat on Sybil's kitchen table bemoaning one's fate and threatening to run away to the Counterweight Continent.
(...sorry, that one didn't end up having much Vimes in it.)
A crossover of my choice
MORE OF THE LES MIS ONE, the end
An au of my choice
...well before Guards, Guards, Vimes quit drinking, quit the Watch, and started a small business selling Klatchian coffee with a motley collection of baristas. Vetinari doesn't indulge in coffee - any man who needs chemical assistance to be able to function has no business trying to run a city - but he notices the place, because somehow Vimes manages to know about everything that's going on in the city, and often to be in the middle of it (often claiming he's just selling coffee from his cart while actually single-handedly pacifying a crowd) but he refuses to work for the Patrician or let any of his people work for the Patrician in any capacity.
He'll happily chat with a regular customer over his morning cup of tea and pastry, though, and if the chat happens to involve a lot of things that the Patrician needs to know, well, it's just a chat with a customer-turning-friend.
Vetinari is somehow, slowly, like boiling a frog in water, transitioned from coming in and buying a small cup of tea in exchange for 'gossip', to having milky chai and several large fruit-filled pastries every morning and occasionally bringing paperwork by in the evenings and being fed soup and fresh bread (Vimes' Knurd Shop is the most secure place in the city, after what happened to the first few people who tried to start something there nobody else dares.)
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I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
This would have to be between ANH and ESB for it to be fake, really, so, I think that Leia is going to some planet to make a very important deal for the Rebellion (you can say Kuat if you want to use as much EU canon as you can), but it's going to be dangerous, so Han insists on coming along, but it's on a planet that has warrants out for his arrest, so Leia says fine, you can come along, but only if you come along as my veiled and oiled bedslave. Because there can never be too many stories where manly heroes are forced to go undercover as veiled and oiled bedslaves really.
Bodyswap
I want this to be profound and full of angst like the other bodyswaps I've come up with but I think actually Han just spends a lot of time playing with his boobs with a dumbstruck expression on his face, until Leia whacks him upside the head and they get on with business. (I can come up with action/adventure plots where the bodyswap is plot-relevant but actually I don't think this is that much of a relationship story with them? They know each other too well already for it to be anything but a series of minor revelations. Maybe Han getting some lessons in feminisme And they have enough of a support system that it wouldn't cause a crisis in their careers & daily life.)
Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it
Leia goes back to Endor on a diplomatic mission to the Ewoks, and she's still accepted into their tribe, but Han never really was, and the only way to get him accepted is for them to prove that they're a mated pair. By fucking. In front of an ampitheatre full of Ewoks. With Threepio providing color commentary and explaining how human sex works in ewok-language.
Han will never recover from the trauma. Threepio will never stop pointing out that it was even more traumatic for him. (Leia considers it just a day in the life of a galactic diplomat, really. A funny story for later. Boys are so melodramatic sometimes.)
Dark!fic
Any fic where Leia goes dark post-RotJ is more sad than dark. :/ So: Vader finds out about her when she's young, and she is beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Treacherous as the sea! Stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love her, and despair, and anyway, when she's barely twenty, the V-Class Star Destroyer she got for her birthday captures a pair of pirates who are wanted for conspiring with rebels on Kashyyyk. The Wookiee get executed immediately, of course, but the human is kind of good-looking, in a rugged sort of way, and he's still got some fight in him even after the torture-droids are done, it could be interesting - Leia decides to keep him as a pet. She gets him a golden collar and some chains and a nice gauzy loincloth or two and keeps him leashed to her commander's chair. ...Which of them breaks first depends entirely on *how* dark this fic is getting.
(...umm people who have read more non-pro star wars fic than me, does this scenario exist out there somewhere? I kinda want to read it now.)
Secret kinks
The first secret is that when they got married, Leia was both way more experienced and way kinkier than Han - she was at a girls' boarding school, and then running around Coruscant and hanging out with Rebels, while Han was basically spending all his time in space with a Wookiee. A married Wookie. ...Han catches up fast once they're married, though.
Specific things they do in bed that they don't admit to anyone include: 1) Roleplaying as Luke for each other. (They switch off turns.) 2) Sometimes Han dirty-talks in Shyriiwook. It started as a joke (because hey, some of the sounds he makes in bed...) but then he did it for real a few times, and hey, it's motivation for Leia to improve her language comprehension, and besides, there's something so... primal about the language, to human ears. The plan was for Chewie to never find out about this, ever, but the Falcon is a very small ship with very shoddy walls in the passenger compartment and hyperspace is very boring, so that didn't last very long. 3) Sometimes Leia uses the Force in their sex-play. She feels kind of guilty about this, because it seems like such a petty, self-indulgent thing to use the Force that binds all Life for, but she's still ... a little bit scared of it, and what it could lead her to become, and in bed with Han is one of the only places she feels safe enough to let that part of herself out. (Han encourages her in this. Effusively. She doesn't really have anyone else she could discuss it with, except maybe Luke, which just, no. Years later, after she's finally gotten to know Mara well enough to be comfortable, she does bring it up carefully once, and Mara laughs and says of course they use the Force in sexplay, it's about life and connection, what else is it for?)
Their first kiss
Canon!
Meeting the parents
Han met Leia's dad, once. He likes to say he thinks it went pretty well, considering. I mean, it could have gone a great deal worse. At least he didn't tell him Leia was his sister!
Moving in together
I don't actually remember when in EU canon they moved in together? I think that era got kind of confused by too many authors. But I firmly believe that the period of time in ESB when Luke was on Dagobah and they were trapped in the Falcon with no hyperdrive was much longer than it looked onscreen-- months, at minimum. Once they'd managed that without murder happening, actually moving into an apartment together was going to be sort of anticlimactic. (and actually, it always is - nowhere they live, no matter how long, ever ends up feeling like home to them quite the way the Falcon does.)
A crossover of my choice
I asked wranglerchat about this because I couldn't decide and they said Noir and I got kind of stuck on Han and Leia as Nick and Nora. Pardon me while I imagine Han and Leia as Nick and Nora some more.
An au of my choice
So I'd actually find any of the role-swap AUs for these
twothree, and what it makes of Han/Leia, really interesting? Leia is the sheltered Tatooine farmgirl who hires a tramp freighter to go rescue the Prince; or Han is the innocent Corellian kid who hires Smuggler Leia; or he's the kid who's lucky enough to meet the Rebel Princess *before* he joins the Imperial Military; or he's the son of the Diktat who gets rescued by Smuggler Leia; or the famous rich boy who Tatooine Farmgirl Leia sets out to rescue with the help of jaded ex-tie-pilot freighter captain Luke - all of those are 100% pure gold.Re: I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
Hee! Yes.
Han will never recover from the trauma. Threepio will never stop pointing out that it was even more traumatic for him. (Leia considers it just a day in the life of a galactic diplomat, really. A funny story for later. Boys are so melodramatic sometimes.)
Ahahahahaha. Now I want to see that one! Maybe not the sex so much as Leia telling the story and Han freaking out about it and fighting with Threepio.
Any fic where Leia goes dark post-RotJ is more sad than dark. :/ So: Vader finds out about her when she's young, and she is beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Treacherous as the sea! Stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love her, and despair ... (...umm people who have read more non-pro star wars fic than me, does this scenario exist out there somewhere? I kinda want to read it now.)
Most AUs about Vader finding one or both of the kids as children tend to be about Vader becoming Anakin again because he really does still love them and want the best for them, and if he meets them as adults he can convince himself that ruling the galaxy together as Dark Lords is what's best for them, but if they're small and cute and defenseless and the Emperor starts hurting/manipulating them to turn them to the Dark Side then Vader is all "Fuck that, these are my kids!" There's also an AU that takes place after Vader's death in which Vader found Luke as a kid and killed the Emperor to protect him, becoming Emperor himself. Luke is now Emperor, and is trained in the ways of the Force but isn't really Sith or Jedi, but something more ambiguous. He wants to make peace with the Rebellion (and there are a lot of Jedi in the Rebel Alliance, since Vader was consolidating his hold on the Empire rather than searching them out and killing them all) and so Luke proposes an arranged marriage between himself and a young Jedi Knight named Mara Jade. I think it's an abandoned WIP?
Sometimes Leia uses the Force in their sex-play. She feels kind of guilty about this, because it seems like such a petty, self-indulgent thing to use the Force that binds all Life for, but she's still ... a little bit scared of it, and what it could lead her to become, and in bed with Han is one of the only places she feels safe enough to let that part of herself out.
Sorta sad, but true to her character.
Mara laughs and says of course they use the Force in sexplay, it's about life and connection, what else is it for?
Can you write the story where Obi-Wan or Yoda or Mace Windu or someone from the old Jedi Order is resurrected, and Mara explains this to them and their head explodes?
But I firmly believe that the period of time in ESB when Luke was on Dagobah and they were trapped in the Falcon with no hyperdrive was much longer than it looked onscreen-- months, at minimum.
Oh, yes, absolutely. I DO NOT BELIEVE that Yoda could teach Luke the basics of being a Jedi (which TOOK A LIFETIME in the old Jedi Order) in a week or two.
This was maybe not a good idea. Now I want you to write some of these!
Re: I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
...I bet Yoda uses the force during sex all the time, what do you mean? :p
...and I want someone to write these too. I should have known better than to risk reawakening my Star Wars feels again.
Re: I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
What? It could totally have happened. They have resurrection devices in canon! Remember that whole plot device in the Dark Empire comics was that Palpatine's spirit was reincarnated in a clone, and he was baaaaack! See, Vader went through a long time (in my characterization of him) wavering between hate of the Jedi and self-loathing for killing them (remember the "what have I done?!?" moment from RotS?). And Palpatine encouraged this, because both hatred and self-loathing are just the thing to keep Vader mired in the Dark Side and also too self-absorbed in his own angst and issues to kill Palpatine and replace him, which Palpy's gotta be afraid of because that's the way Sith roll. So Vader set up his own cloning facility with whatever gizmo Palpy developed for his own resurrection, and every few years he would go to the remote planet it was on to brood over whether or not he should chuck it all and resurrect the Jedi, and whenever he found a Jedi's DNA (sometimes, but not always, because he had just killed them) he'd set up another tube. And he was able to get the DNA of all the Jedi who were in the Temple when he went in, plus all the Jedi he tracked down, plus a good share of the Jedi the clone troopers killed during the execution of Order 66, so he's got pretty close to the complete set, Obi-Wan Kenobi being the final one he got. (Sometimes he doesn't go there to brood. Sometimes he goes there to gloat.) But he still can't bring back his mom or Padme because it only works on the Force-sensitive. (Whether or not this is true or just something Palpatine told him to mess with him is a thought left for the reader.) Anyway, Palpatine doesn't interfere because he figures he can keep Vader from ever actually starting everything up, and whenever Vader goes there he comes back really easy for Palpy to manipulate, whether he went there to brood or to gloat.
But Vader also put a cloning tank of himself there on a timer, so that if he ever died (and thus didn't return) he would be reincarnated. But he put it on, I dunno, a 20-year timer or something because he didn't go all that often and he didn't want two of himself running around and wasn't terribly sure he wanted to be resurrected/reincarnated anyway--his life's been pretty miserable, and yeah, it's mostly his own fault, and that's all the more reason not to want to come back. And, see, it was on this remote uninhabited planet that nobody ever visited but Vader, so the New Republic never found it. And eventually the timer dings, and out pops a new Vader--except a Vader who sacrificed himself for Luke and wants to be Anakin again. He promptly turns on the machines to start the rest of the Jedi cooking, and sits around for a couple of years debating whether he wants to just kill himself to get it over with while the clones are growing to maturity. He's still dithering when the first of the Jedi start awakening (mostly all at once), and now they've got a real problem because this is a teeny outpost not meant to support this many people and they need food and supplies rather urgently.
It is at this point that a passing Jedi (of the New Jedi Order) stops by due to a disturbance in the Force leading them there. (If there's been enough time, preferably one of Corran and Mirax's children.) And the old Jedi are all "Great, the Republic's back? We're saved--they can send a ship!" and the new Jedi is all "Er, let's not be hasty, I don't really trust the New Republic that much and it would be really easy for the news to slip out to our enemies, and you're all really vulnerable here. Let's call on a friend who's helped the Jedi out who has a ship big enough to take all of you guys at once and we can trust! And of course it's Booster Terrik and the Errant Venture, and Valin Halcyon (aka Hal Horn) is one of the Jedi. (Yes, I know that he wasn't killed in the purges or by Vader, he successfully passed as not-a-Jedi until and long after his death. Handwave. I'm going to say that Vader assumed he was dead and got his DNA without knowing he was still alive and a CorSec officer.) Cue shenanigans, and the first of many shocks of what Being a Jedi is Like in the Post-Empire World. And also, the question of What Do We Do With Anakin.
Re: I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
I would read the *heck* out of that story, though! :D (...especially if it has Halcyons and Terriks in it.)
Re: I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
I was only ever able to get my hands on a copy of Dark Empire II, not the first collection, and that only once when I was in high school a decade and a half ago. But Wookiepedia is our friend.
In Dark Empire, we find that the Emperor had a super-sekrit base with cloning cylinders, and six years after his death (i.e. a year after the Thrawn trilogy) he emerged with a new army and ultra-powerful World Devastator machines more dangerous than the Death Stars! Really, the plot as given by Wookiepedia is pretty incoherent and OOC, so I don't think I missed too much.
Re: I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
In the original Thrawn books, though, cloning Jedi makes them come out... weird and wrong (hence getting Nick Fury when you wanted Mace Windu. :P ) Did they solve that? Or is that why Dark Empire was OOC? Or was Dark Empire so incoherent they just ignored it?
Re: I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
One wonders, now that you mention it, what that would do to someone with Jedi powers ...
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The vast majority of Dresden/Marcone stories on this theme are not so much "Fake Dating" as "Marcone waiting patiently for Dresden to notice that they're dating", which is totally them but not actually my favorite trope.
I think it would have to involve Dresden asking Marcone for a favor - for some reason, he needs to appear to be it a committed relationship with someone, probably in order to avoid some sort of obligations in Faerie, and it has to be someone he has a believably intense relationship of *some* kind with or they won't buy it, and he wants it to be somebody he has no chance of actually falling for, and he outlines all this to Marcone quite clearly and offers an exchange of favors.
And Marcone agrees, and for the duration of the agreement he keeps his hands (and feelings) to himself except when necessary, and then the agreement ends and they shake on it and Harry heads off with a weird feeling that is mostly relief, and Marcone heads home to get sardonically drunk, and Hendricks catches up with Harry three blocks away and drags him into Mac's for a serious talking-to about how oblivious one can possibly be.
Bodyswap ...so what these meme is teaching me is that all the pairings people ask me for have a bodyswap that basically comes down to "I love him and trust him but I can't leave him in *charge*, everything will fall apart!"
...so basically Marcone can't handle being in Harry's body. There's too much that requires constant attention, with all the magical obligations and powers and personalities being barely held in check. It's not that Marcone is any weaker than Harry, but the only reason Harry can manage is that he's been practicing all his life. It takes Marcone half a day to even figure out how to turn the Sight off, and once he has enough of a handle on it to realize what will happen if he loses even the minimal grip he has for even a little while, he has Gard lock him in the saferoom in the basement. (He would be incredibly worried and micromanage-y about what's happening in Chicago with Harry in his body and Harry's body out of commission, but he honestly doesn't have the attention to spare for that, except nodding thanks at Hendricks when he appears every few hours to reassure him that all is well.)
And all, surprisingly, is well. Harry would miss his magic terribly if he knew it was permanent, but since he knows it's only a week or so, he's kind of enjoying having relatively little to worry about (but still having the power to fix things that need fixing, just-- it's the power of humans working together in harness, not personal internal power like he's used to.) It's kind of like a vacation. Hendricks sticks to him like glue and he was worried at first but it turns out that Harry, especially after a few seasons in Winter, is actually pretty good at this sort of stuff; his sense of humor is a lot less subtle than Marcone's, and it's obvious he's not really taking things seriously, but he can do the job well enough, with Hendricks there to give him crib notes.
(Obviously something eventually comes up where they need Harry's magic and Marcone manages to pull it off. And then they switch back and understand each other a lot better. The end.)
Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it
I have to link to this fic: Sympathetic Magic because it's so perfectly them that I feel like any other fuck-or-die fic with them is going to be referencing it. But yes - between them, Marcone as the Baron of Chicago and Harry as who he is, and the both of them so thoroughly tied up with and dedicated to the city in different but complementary ways, sex magic with the two of them generates an *astounding* amount of power for anything you want to do to help the city. And they both get off on the magic, and for awhile there Harry at least can pretend that's all it is, but it's such a good source of power for the sorts of things that need doing that they ... keep doing it? And the more they do it, the better they get at it - sex magic works that way to - so, you know, it just makes sense. Eventually it gets to the point where they don't even need the ritual - Harry has enough energy stored up in reservoirs that as long as they keep having sex regularly he can draw on it whenever he needs the extra power for Chicago, and recharge them automatically without needing any extra ritual.
And nobody in the supernatural world is dumb enough to bother Chicago much after awhile of that, anyway.
Dark!fic
...there's a lot of places this pairing can go that *should* be darkfic but aren't. Like the one where Ivy and Marcone and Harry all become Denarians, which should be dark dark dark but, uh, is really just fluffy chosen family with lots of death and murder.
There have been several AUs where Harry ends up 'belonging' to Marcone in a way that makes it impossible for him to consent freely (to anything, really) and Marcone can't give him back his free will - he doesn't have the choice to give him a choice. I think those are really the darkest I've see this pairing get, tbh. Some of them have been well-written but they were all really disturbing.
Secret kinks
Marcone has a kink for magic, which isn't really a secret to anyone who pays attention to the way he is when Harry's around (which of course means Harry has no idea.) He's got other kinks, too, but the magic one is bulletproof, anything involving magic does it for him.
Harry... god. Before they can start doing anything with Harry's kinks, John has to slowly walking him through understanding that just because she did it to him once when he was unable to consent and he came, that doesn't mean he has a kink for it. So there's a lot of ...working through Harry's long and terrible history with lack of consent before they even get to the point where John is confident trying to figure out what he likes.
Their first kiss
Harry was trying to prove a point. He, uh, failed at that.
Meeting the parents
Marcone met Harry's mother when they soulgazed - she was waiting there for Thomas, but when the man who was Harry's match showed up instead, she wasn't going to pass up the chance to introduce herself. He was -- bemused, mostly. And intrigued. And started very cautiously thinking about a very long-term future in new and different ways.
He didn't meet Harry's father until much later, when they started falling into each other's dreams.
Moving in together
Not happening, Marcone. Not ever actually happening.
...the fact that Harry doesn't actually have any other residence on Earth at the moment, and that he spends far more nights in Marcone's bed than anywhere else, on Earth or not: these facts are both irrelevant, Marcone, he's not moving in.
A crossover of my choice
...I want the Young Wizards AU where wizardry like Harry does and the wizardry of wizards under the Oath are related, but not the same thing. Hendricks is a wizard. Marcone was one, once, when they were young, Hendricks' partner, but he chose to give it up in exchange for becoming Gentleman Johnny: and so he forgot: and so he can't see the sort of wizardry Hendricks still does at all; it just... doesn't register.
Harry could have been under the Wizard's Oath, but he was Overshadowed in his time with Justin, and his ordeal was ended before it began; some of those who are on the White Council who are under the Oath keep an eye on him, but for a long time he was just a blacked-out Shadow in the manual. He's fighting his way out from under the Shadow, though, slowly and haltingly, now that Powers have taken an interest in him; maybe one day he will manage to wander the Ways all the way back to Timeheart.
Hendricks doesn't know whether to be jealous of the way Marcone looks at Harry's magic, or be glad that he can still have something, or what. He keeps wanting to show Marcone that he can do magic, to, real magic, the kind that the White Council wizards are only a crude echo of, but he knows that even if he tried, Marcone would just forget as soon as he looked away. Maybe more than he's jealous he's hoping that Harry's magic will be able to show Marcone the way back to Timeheart, in a way that Hendricks can't because Marcone has closed his heart off to that route and sealed it with miles of thorns.
An au of my choice
I want there to be more of the nanny AU. Or the one where Eb took over the Chicago Mafia and Harry is a spoilt mafia princess and Marcone is a trusted capo attempting to court him. ... look this is a canon that's really good for canon-branching AUs, okay, I want them all.
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Fake dating
The one where Fauchelevent meets Javert at the tobacco shop and they start talking with each other regularly in an effort to squeeze information out of each other and Fauchelevent is constantly catching himself just in time to call Madeleine "the man I live with" instead of anything more specific that might give it away (he can't even say 'brother' because Javert might remember from back in M-sur-M that he has no living relatives, can't be too careful, Javert's a sharp one), so Javert understandably assumes he's hiding a gay relationship instead of an escaped convict-mayor, and once Fauchelevent realizes that Javert thinks this, he decides that using Javert to spill some of his hidden ~feelings~ about Madeleine is a safe way to divert his suspicion even further, so Javert has to put up with constant, non-specific gushing about his perfect hair and his perfect voice and his perfect body and how they cuddled for warmth last night and the-man-he-lives-with gave Fauchelevent the most amazing back massage that really helped his aches and so on.
...when he meets them again post-Seine and realizes that it was Valjean all along, Javert attempts to headdesk himself to death.
Bodyswap
Valjean: Panicking that Fauchelevent will notice the scars and the brand and the limp and realize that he's an escaped convict and always was and was never the man Fauchelevent was. At the same time, the feeling of sheer relief in not having to live in a convict's body anymore is so overpowering that he doesn't even notice Fauchelevent's aches and pains - I think he always had a complicated relationship with his body, and the way it's been a thing done to and used by other people for the majority of his life, and when he can suddenly be in somebody *else*s body for awhile he actually starts to live in the body a little more. If only he weren't still panicking about Fauchelevent finding out.
...meanwhile Fauchelevent has know about Madeleine's scars and past for years and is just really enjoying his perfect body, even if he knows he doesn't deserve this gift, not even for a little while.
Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it
A mysterious old woman sells Fauchelevent an odd strain of pomme de l'amour which she says will induce lust in any man who eats it. Fauchelevent wasn't born yesterday, he doesn't really believe her, but then again, stranger things have happened (like mayors landing on people's heads, accompanied by small children) so he plants it, and keeps it carefully away from the rest of the garden, and when the first fruit is ripe he shares it with Madeleine, and, well, he doesn't *notice* Madeleine acting any differently? But maybe he's just hiding it very well? Maybe if Fauchelevent was just a little less subtle than he'd been before, Madeleine won't be able to resist anymore - okay, less subtle than that - okay, try one more thing - and Madeleine does actually notice at long last! And they do the sex!
Fauchelevent is very careful with that plant and its descendants ever after, even though Madeleine scoffs that the idea that it has any aphrodisiac powers - even if it doesn't, thinking it might is what gave him the courage to finally make his move, after all, and that deserves thanks.
Dark!fic
Madeleine decides not to risk revealing his strength in front of Javert.
(alternate: Javert asks the convent porter if anyone knew has arrived at the convent lately. Javert learns interesting things. Eventually Fauchelevent and Valjean get to be chain-mates, yay.)
Secret kinks
Fauchelevent would be... not entirely adverse to something sticky and hot and sexual happening between him and Madeleine? Not that he would ever say anything like that, of course! A man like Madeleine wouldn't even know that such things were possible!
...Valjean likes to cuddle. He thinks this is a secret. Nobody else does, though.
Their first kiss
It's brotherly and innocent and probably Madeleine kissing him on the forehead or the cheek after a long day in the same absent-minded affection that he's been slowly getting used to with Cosette. Fauchelevent treasures it in his heart.
Meeting the parents
I feel like Fauchelevent actually probably had a not-awful childhood? He was literate even though most of his class weren't, he started out from a pretty good basis in life, he kept in touch with his siblings. He knows there's some reason Madeleine never talks about his past or about the girl's parents, but sometimes he just looks so sad and alone after Cosette goes back to the school, and Fauchelevent starts telling him happy stories of his childhood: about his parents, the countryside, learning to read and showing his parents how to read, holidays and long summers and his brothers and sisters and his friends.
Madeleine doesn't say much in response, but he listens, and sometimes he gets this hungry look on his face. After a long time, when even Fauchelevent is running out of stories, once in a while, a very rare while, he starts telling stories of his own: not very much, always as if he's holding back, but little bits about a mother who loved him and a father who tried very hard and a brother who died young who he barely remembers except in dreams, and a sister who was sad and angry and loving and bright, and a collection of nieces and nephews.
Moving in together
Calling canon on this one!
...they moved into the same bed the first winter. It was just practicality. They never really stopped.
A crossover of my choice
When the tiny, cheap, second-hand space cruiser that Valjean acquired shortly after his escape went down on the uninhabited jungle planet, Javert ended the chase in triumph: no point in messy ground searches, since even if the ship had somehow survived the crash, there was no way it had the power, by itself, to climb out of that gravity well.
What he didn't realize was that Valjean had been crashing toward something - toward a radio beacon that could only be detected from inside the planets atmosphere - that belonged to a botanical survey ship that was exploring the planet. And the ship happened to be controlled by Fauchelevent, who Valjean had gotten into an experimental program that allowed profoundly physically disabled people to become cyborg spaceship pilots, after it became clear that Fauchelevent was never going to recover from having that hovercart land on him, not even with the best of 29th century medicine.
Fauchelevent's been lonely anyway, so he invites Valjean and Cosette to live onboard and help with his missions as long as they want. Cosette's a bit lonely sometimes, living on a ship with only two old men for company, but getting to help explore dozens of new planets is absolutely worth it.
An au of my choice
THE ONE WHERE FAUCHELEVENT DOESN'T DIE AND MOVES OUT OF THE CONVENT WITH THEM AND MAKES JAVERT COME IN FOR TEA INSTEAD OF SEINEING AND EVENTUALLY THERE ARE VALJEAN SANDWICHES WE ALL WANT THIS IT NEEDS TO EXISTS
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...I feel like I have attempted to plot this one out with people so many times and yet STILL NOBODY'S WRITTEN IT WHY
...how about a post-Seine one where Valjean still hasn't told Cosette or Marius about his past, and Javert is sick of having to go in circles around how they know each other and deflect Cosette's increasingly pointed questions, so one day in response he just slams his fist on the kitchen table and announces to all and sundry that they're fucking, in hopes that attempting to convince them otherwise will get Valjean to finally tell them the truth, as the lesser of two evils. Valjean, of course, instead latches onto it like a lifeline and things rapidly escalate.
Bodyswap
Madeleine-era; the sort of bodyswap where they still see themselves as themselves but nobody else does: they fundamentally do not understand each other. They manage to continue to fundamentally not understand each other despite literally living in each other's shoes for a month. They are absolutely terrible at pretending to be each other, but since neither of them have any friends, nobody notices. Javert desperately wants to take off Valjean's shirt and ask somebody else if he has any suspicious scars or marks, but there is nobody either of them know intimately enough to do something like that with, without it all being unbearably awkward, so he never quite gets around to it.
Eventually the spell gives up and they switch back. Nothing has changed except that they now understand each other even less well than they did before.
Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it
redacted for security reasonsDark!fic
1. Canon.
2. The AU-which-would-be-impossible-to-write-well where Javert chooses crime instead of the police and is REALLY REALLY GOOD AT IT and by the time Valjean is out on his first parole is running a national crime syndicate and Valjean meets him instead of the Bishop and becomes his right-hand man and enforcer (and probably they eventually adopt Montparnasse as their heir and bedwarmer...)
Secret kinks
Javert likes Valjean's strength and size. And likes watching him lift things and really likes being manhandled. And also really really likes it when Valjean's strength is being very obviously gentled or restrained.
Valjean likes taking care of people and making people happy, which is a secret from approximately nobody in Paris at this point, but the amount of pleasure he gets out of just watching Javert crumble into sobbing joy under is hands is pretty much a secret between them.
After they get together they're really both simulataneously going through different but connected processes of ...learning to enjoy being embodied, to accept, and live in their physical selves in a way they never really have before, and there's a lot of just plain sensation play, sensuality, even-- sometimes -- decadence that comes into it without them ever really discussing it. Neither of them will buy fine things for themselves but they'll buy fine things to watch the other enjoy them - silks and velvets and feathers and furs and cream-filled pastries and really nice wines and exotic fruit and expensive cheese and scented unguents and hot baths and human touch and really everything they've never let themselves experience of the good things in the world.
Their first kiss
They've been dancing around each other for weeks and they've talked about stuff and know they're going to get there eventually, probably soon, but the first time they actually kiss? ...it's to make Marius go away and stop talking. Nothing else has worked.
(from beyond the grave Courfeyrac mutters to Combeferre 'why didn't we ever think of that??')
Meeting the parents
Valjean once saved Javert's father's life in a construction accident, but nobody involved ever actually makes the connection.
Javert knows Valjean's sister - she's the old widow who runs that little printing and bookbinding shop that, since the death of her second husband, is constantly under suspicion for secretly printing subversive and/or pornographic literature, but nothing can ever be proved; it all just slides off her back every time as she bare-facedly dares him to try again. She aggravates the hell out of him and reminds him of somebody but he doesn't realize who until sometime post-Seine when Valjean mentions his sister Jeanne who was last seen at a bookbindery in Paris, and then Javert facepalms a lot and takes him there to buy some gay porn.
Moving in together
The autumn after Cosette gets married, Valjean decides to close up the house in Paris and move into a little cottage he's rented in the countryside up north, because he feels like he needs to get out of Paris, and also staying in the city would mean the entire Christmas season with Cosette et. al., and while he loves Cosette to death there's only so much of the et. al. he can take. Javert is still sort of flapping around at loose ends so Valjean invites him along, and to their mutual surprise, Javert agrees.
What they have both forgotten in their old age as city-dwellers is that quaint cottages in the north of France are really goddamn cold in the winter and they end up spending basically the whole three months in bed together.
A crossover of my choice
Either the one where they help Babbage and Lovelace fight crime. Or the 1970s AU where Javert and Eberbach have to team up to stop a terrorist plot that the Amis have accidentally stumbled into and Eroica and Valjean both end up mixed up in things by *total* coincidence (as they do) and everybody comments on how if Javert shaved the sideburns he and Klaus could be twins, and also Enjolras and R are hiding out in the castle on the South Downs because R knows Eroica from when he was actually involved in the art scene and knows he's a sucker for a man with a hopeless love story and Eroica and Enjolras also look enough alike that they can play body doubles for each other (...there are totally R/Eroica sad blowjobs involved but we're getting distracted from the JVJ here oops).
An au of my choice
...the modern-day AU in the Magic OOC Town of Starbucks and Smiles. Valjean went to prison as a teenager on a shoplifting charge that got escalated (mostly due to being young poor and uneducated) into a ten-year sentence; but he took advantage of his prison time to learn computers, and within a couple of years after he made parole, he'd become one of the early dotcom millionaires. He sold out as soon as got a good offer and moved to a small town to spend the rest of his life working as an advocate for criminal justice reform and education for the poor, and giving his money away.
Javert is either a policeman working in the town or a local federal/national agent; he's suspicious when Valjean moves in, adopted daughter in tow, and starts being perfect in every way despite his criminal history - it's not really believable, but events in the town just keep throwing them together for all sorts of reasons and he keeps accidentally flirting with Javert and then getting adorably flustered and Javert has stayed in the closet for the sake of his job for twenty-five years but now politics are changing and maybe he can let himself have this? maybe? if Valjean is for real?
They buy each other a lot of coffee and then this happens. And also there's some big historical event that happened in/with the town (idk what, it doesn't even really matter what continent this is on okay) that means there's an annual living history day where everybody dresses in 19th century clothing for a day and goes to a big period-costume ball and stuff and everybody smiles and laughs a lot and nobody dies.
etc. etc. you get the idea this AU is based entirely on Voksen's habit of posting set pictures of them in costume but not in character and has no other redeeming features at all.
If you want something canon-era: the one where Valjean is recruited into the Surete after M-sur-M, and Javert is assigned to work with him by the Paris police because they're under political pressure to work more closely with Vidocq's men even though they hate the Surete and everything about them, and Javert is the one person his boss is absolutely sure will stay apolitical and do the best job he can despite the despicable people he's being forced to work with.
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(( what? you said 'ships'... if you meant rel'ships... u shoulda said so.... XD ))
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Fake dating
At some point, somebody started filling out the "other significant committed relationship(s)" space in Kirk's Starfleet forms (which is usually used, among humans, for romantic partners) with "USS Enterprise NCC-1701". Nobody can quite remember who - when things were busy, various people would end up taking care of Kirk's admin, especially after they gave up on him keeping a yeoman more than a few months (they kept transferring to Starfleet command training school before they had time to really settle in.) It might have been McCoy; it's the kind of thing McCoy would do, and then never admit to, and he'd done enough of Kirk's psych evals to know it was probably true; although McCoy claims he never and it was probably the ship's computer. Whoever it was, nobody objected to it on the Starfleet Command end, and once it ended up in Kirk's official file, everybody, including Kirk, just carried on with it after that. (Spock and McCoy were still next-of-kin, of course.)
The result is that for awhile there, he accidentally held the unofficial record for second-longest committed romantic relationship of a human Starship captain on active duty.
Bodyswap
Can't really 'swap' one character, so I'm going with 'gets to inhabit a temporary humanoid body' instead. She and Kirk take long walks on a beach, which is almost like cresting along the edges of a heliopause, but different. Then they hole up in their cabin together for awhile. But she can't spend all her time with just him - she has a whole crew, and she loves them all, and she wants to be with all of them while she can, even if the kind of love is different for all of them.
After she and Scotty get passed-out drunk down in Engineering and then have to 'cold-start her matter-antimatter reactor' (...don't ask how much of that was a euphemism they aren't actually sure) McCoy gives her a detailed, hands-on lesson on the alcohol tolerances of the human body and also some of its other tolerances and capabilities. And then Uhura teaches her how humanoids can communicate not just voice-to-voice but body-to-body. And-- okay, maybe the kind of love isn't *that* different for all of them, but really, she has a humanoid body for only a little while, she might as well take maximum advantage.
...and basically there is a lot of love with everyone, and possibly some grumbling about how Kirk has had too much influence on her, okay dammit I kind of want to write this one now.
Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it
She really, really hates it when outsiders try to take control of her systems. Let's not talk about it. It's a risk she takes for choosing to go out there, alone and brave in the dark. Afterward, though, when Spock and Nyota very carefully comb through all of her code, whispering together over her consoles and stroking her circuit boards, and fix the damaged places, return everything as close to the way it was as they can, and then build her up stronger and better than before, so she'll never be weak to that kind of coercion again - well, she's the luckiest ship in the galaxy, that's all.
Dark!fic
.....she still loves her crew, even in mirrorverse. It's a terrifying sort of love, but it's there. They're maybe even more a part of her, there, their ashes and constituent molecules constantly becoming incorporated into her systems in a way the other Enterprise rarely gets to experience.
Secret kinks
She likes it when Scotty and his minions get their agile fingers and even more agile minds and really creative custom tools down into her secret places. Sometimes she's a little bit slower than she could be, just to see what they'll do.
Their first kiss
Sweeping out of spacedock for the first time, the solar winds brushing gentle and unfettered across her disk as she moves outside of Earth's magnetic field, and then for the first time feeling the warp bubble form around her in response to the helmsman's touch... well, every time is special, but first times are to be treasured.
Meeting the parents
*Her feelings toward all of her captains have been different. April - who worked on her plans, watched over every aspect of her construction, and was the first to show her the universe - was like a father to her: they loved each other in a way no-one else ever could. Pike she loved, too, but it was a more distant love - he'd commanded other starships before, and they both knew that he was ambitious, that someday he would move on. He was more like an older brother, caring for her, helping her grow, sharing love in their shared joy in their mission and their work. (Kirk is something else again.)
*Much, much later, when she is flying through the endless skies that the Nexus offers her, sometimes she is joined in her play by a great bird, a bird with wings of light that can span galaxies but can also be small enough to wrap around her pylons to sleep; it reminds her sometimes of April, in its childlike wonder at simply being privileged to play among the stars.
*Shore leave is usually pretty boring for her, but her favorites are when they have a few days in orbit around crewmembers' home planets, and they get a chance to bring their families onboard for a visit - especially the young ones, the ones on their first mission. She always tries to look her best for them, to prove that she can be trusted with the keeping of their loved ones, the people that just one planet will always be to small for, but a cabin on a starship is just right.
*Once, the Air and Space Museum on Old Earth was loaning a collection of ancient artifacts to an exhibition on Rigel, and she got to carry the first spaceship ever to be named Enterprise in her holds. She was as beautiful and white and graceful as her many-times-granddaughter, old and fragile and still as she is, and when 1701 was told that it was the first time the old Enterprise had ever gotten a chance to actually travel in space, she made sure to make it the trip of a lifetime.
Moving in together
She loves her crew, but sometimes - just sometimes - she gets frustrated at having to deal with them all the time. They're messy and whiny and needy and too fragile and sometimes she imagines what she could do if she could dump all the extra mass and bulk of the crew quarters and provisions, turn all the energy she puts toward maintaining life support and constant internal acceleration toward her engines, and just fly. (Sometimes she thinks Scotty agrees with her, which doesn't help.) But usually it's worth it, to have the company, to have all the little bright sparks of life fighting entropy and chaos bringing order, that care for her, that she can call hers.
A crossover of my choice
I want an Age of Sail fusion where her wings are canvas and she sails on winds of atmosphere rather than plasma, but unfortunately I think I know too much actual AoS history and politics to be able to make it as joyful as an Enterprise story should be. :/ Maybe Temeraire? She'd make a good dragon, an Ironwing, probably (Ensign Chekov wishes to remind you that was originally a Russian breed.) McCoy really *really* hates flying dragonback, though...
An au of my choice
...can I go with The barista AU? I still think about the barista AU sometimes.
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And this? was awesome... even tho I was being super-cheeky about the whole thing. =) (and I totes forgot you do anthro-stuff sometimes)
omg - the Suits barista AU is pretty awesome, imma tell you -
And I think 1701 would make a fabulous barista!
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Kirk is a very very strange dood. =)
feel free to write fabulous Enterprise ship-fic all over the place. =)