![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Meme via tumblr
Okay, I hardly ever meme, but I need something to re-awaken my fanfiction organs, I think, so here, ask me about the one that's going around tumblr right now. (Not posting to tumblr because trying to do this sort of thing in tumblr posts is terrible in all ways.)
scootiemcbooty:
...any ship, but depending on what ship you ask for, you may get what you deserve.
scootiemcbooty:
Put a ship inmy aska comment and I will tell you a bit about how each of the following scenarios would go down for them:
Okay, requests closed, sorry, I've wasted too much time on this already. :P
- Fake dating
- BodyswapÂ
- Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it
- Dark!fic
- Secret kinks
- Their first kiss
- Meeting the parents
- Moving in together
- A crossover of my choice
- An au of my choice
- If you like, another trope/scenario of your choice
...any ship, but depending on what ship you ask for, you may get what you deserve.
I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
This would have to be between ANH and ESB for it to be fake, really, so, I think that Leia is going to some planet to make a very important deal for the Rebellion (you can say Kuat if you want to use as much EU canon as you can), but it's going to be dangerous, so Han insists on coming along, but it's on a planet that has warrants out for his arrest, so Leia says fine, you can come along, but only if you come along as my veiled and oiled bedslave. Because there can never be too many stories where manly heroes are forced to go undercover as veiled and oiled bedslaves really.
Bodyswap
I want this to be profound and full of angst like the other bodyswaps I've come up with but I think actually Han just spends a lot of time playing with his boobs with a dumbstruck expression on his face, until Leia whacks him upside the head and they get on with business. (I can come up with action/adventure plots where the bodyswap is plot-relevant but actually I don't think this is that much of a relationship story with them? They know each other too well already for it to be anything but a series of minor revelations. Maybe Han getting some lessons in feminisme And they have enough of a support system that it wouldn't cause a crisis in their careers & daily life.)
Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it
Leia goes back to Endor on a diplomatic mission to the Ewoks, and she's still accepted into their tribe, but Han never really was, and the only way to get him accepted is for them to prove that they're a mated pair. By fucking. In front of an ampitheatre full of Ewoks. With Threepio providing color commentary and explaining how human sex works in ewok-language.
Han will never recover from the trauma. Threepio will never stop pointing out that it was even more traumatic for him. (Leia considers it just a day in the life of a galactic diplomat, really. A funny story for later. Boys are so melodramatic sometimes.)
Dark!fic
Any fic where Leia goes dark post-RotJ is more sad than dark. :/ So: Vader finds out about her when she's young, and she is beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Treacherous as the sea! Stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love her, and despair, and anyway, when she's barely twenty, the V-Class Star Destroyer she got for her birthday captures a pair of pirates who are wanted for conspiring with rebels on Kashyyyk. The Wookiee get executed immediately, of course, but the human is kind of good-looking, in a rugged sort of way, and he's still got some fight in him even after the torture-droids are done, it could be interesting - Leia decides to keep him as a pet. She gets him a golden collar and some chains and a nice gauzy loincloth or two and keeps him leashed to her commander's chair. ...Which of them breaks first depends entirely on *how* dark this fic is getting.
(...umm people who have read more non-pro star wars fic than me, does this scenario exist out there somewhere? I kinda want to read it now.)
Secret kinks
The first secret is that when they got married, Leia was both way more experienced and way kinkier than Han - she was at a girls' boarding school, and then running around Coruscant and hanging out with Rebels, while Han was basically spending all his time in space with a Wookiee. A married Wookie. ...Han catches up fast once they're married, though.
Specific things they do in bed that they don't admit to anyone include: 1) Roleplaying as Luke for each other. (They switch off turns.) 2) Sometimes Han dirty-talks in Shyriiwook. It started as a joke (because hey, some of the sounds he makes in bed...) but then he did it for real a few times, and hey, it's motivation for Leia to improve her language comprehension, and besides, there's something so... primal about the language, to human ears. The plan was for Chewie to never find out about this, ever, but the Falcon is a very small ship with very shoddy walls in the passenger compartment and hyperspace is very boring, so that didn't last very long. 3) Sometimes Leia uses the Force in their sex-play. She feels kind of guilty about this, because it seems like such a petty, self-indulgent thing to use the Force that binds all Life for, but she's still ... a little bit scared of it, and what it could lead her to become, and in bed with Han is one of the only places she feels safe enough to let that part of herself out. (Han encourages her in this. Effusively. She doesn't really have anyone else she could discuss it with, except maybe Luke, which just, no. Years later, after she's finally gotten to know Mara well enough to be comfortable, she does bring it up carefully once, and Mara laughs and says of course they use the Force in sexplay, it's about life and connection, what else is it for?)
Their first kiss
Canon!
Meeting the parents
Han met Leia's dad, once. He likes to say he thinks it went pretty well, considering. I mean, it could have gone a great deal worse. At least he didn't tell him Leia was his sister!
Moving in together
I don't actually remember when in EU canon they moved in together? I think that era got kind of confused by too many authors. But I firmly believe that the period of time in ESB when Luke was on Dagobah and they were trapped in the Falcon with no hyperdrive was much longer than it looked onscreen-- months, at minimum. Once they'd managed that without murder happening, actually moving into an apartment together was going to be sort of anticlimactic. (and actually, it always is - nowhere they live, no matter how long, ever ends up feeling like home to them quite the way the Falcon does.)
A crossover of my choice
I asked wranglerchat about this because I couldn't decide and they said Noir and I got kind of stuck on Han and Leia as Nick and Nora. Pardon me while I imagine Han and Leia as Nick and Nora some more.
An au of my choice
So I'd actually find any of the role-swap AUs for these
twothree, and what it makes of Han/Leia, really interesting? Leia is the sheltered Tatooine farmgirl who hires a tramp freighter to go rescue the Prince; or Han is the innocent Corellian kid who hires Smuggler Leia; or he's the kid who's lucky enough to meet the Rebel Princess *before* he joins the Imperial Military; or he's the son of the Diktat who gets rescued by Smuggler Leia; or the famous rich boy who Tatooine Farmgirl Leia sets out to rescue with the help of jaded ex-tie-pilot freighter captain Luke - all of those are 100% pure gold.Re: I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
Hee! Yes.
Han will never recover from the trauma. Threepio will never stop pointing out that it was even more traumatic for him. (Leia considers it just a day in the life of a galactic diplomat, really. A funny story for later. Boys are so melodramatic sometimes.)
Ahahahahaha. Now I want to see that one! Maybe not the sex so much as Leia telling the story and Han freaking out about it and fighting with Threepio.
Any fic where Leia goes dark post-RotJ is more sad than dark. :/ So: Vader finds out about her when she's young, and she is beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Treacherous as the sea! Stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love her, and despair ... (...umm people who have read more non-pro star wars fic than me, does this scenario exist out there somewhere? I kinda want to read it now.)
Most AUs about Vader finding one or both of the kids as children tend to be about Vader becoming Anakin again because he really does still love them and want the best for them, and if he meets them as adults he can convince himself that ruling the galaxy together as Dark Lords is what's best for them, but if they're small and cute and defenseless and the Emperor starts hurting/manipulating them to turn them to the Dark Side then Vader is all "Fuck that, these are my kids!" There's also an AU that takes place after Vader's death in which Vader found Luke as a kid and killed the Emperor to protect him, becoming Emperor himself. Luke is now Emperor, and is trained in the ways of the Force but isn't really Sith or Jedi, but something more ambiguous. He wants to make peace with the Rebellion (and there are a lot of Jedi in the Rebel Alliance, since Vader was consolidating his hold on the Empire rather than searching them out and killing them all) and so Luke proposes an arranged marriage between himself and a young Jedi Knight named Mara Jade. I think it's an abandoned WIP?
Sometimes Leia uses the Force in their sex-play. She feels kind of guilty about this, because it seems like such a petty, self-indulgent thing to use the Force that binds all Life for, but she's still ... a little bit scared of it, and what it could lead her to become, and in bed with Han is one of the only places she feels safe enough to let that part of herself out.
Sorta sad, but true to her character.
Mara laughs and says of course they use the Force in sexplay, it's about life and connection, what else is it for?
Can you write the story where Obi-Wan or Yoda or Mace Windu or someone from the old Jedi Order is resurrected, and Mara explains this to them and their head explodes?
But I firmly believe that the period of time in ESB when Luke was on Dagobah and they were trapped in the Falcon with no hyperdrive was much longer than it looked onscreen-- months, at minimum.
Oh, yes, absolutely. I DO NOT BELIEVE that Yoda could teach Luke the basics of being a Jedi (which TOOK A LIFETIME in the old Jedi Order) in a week or two.
This was maybe not a good idea. Now I want you to write some of these!
Re: I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
...I bet Yoda uses the force during sex all the time, what do you mean? :p
...and I want someone to write these too. I should have known better than to risk reawakening my Star Wars feels again.
Re: I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
What? It could totally have happened. They have resurrection devices in canon! Remember that whole plot device in the Dark Empire comics was that Palpatine's spirit was reincarnated in a clone, and he was baaaaack! See, Vader went through a long time (in my characterization of him) wavering between hate of the Jedi and self-loathing for killing them (remember the "what have I done?!?" moment from RotS?). And Palpatine encouraged this, because both hatred and self-loathing are just the thing to keep Vader mired in the Dark Side and also too self-absorbed in his own angst and issues to kill Palpatine and replace him, which Palpy's gotta be afraid of because that's the way Sith roll. So Vader set up his own cloning facility with whatever gizmo Palpy developed for his own resurrection, and every few years he would go to the remote planet it was on to brood over whether or not he should chuck it all and resurrect the Jedi, and whenever he found a Jedi's DNA (sometimes, but not always, because he had just killed them) he'd set up another tube. And he was able to get the DNA of all the Jedi who were in the Temple when he went in, plus all the Jedi he tracked down, plus a good share of the Jedi the clone troopers killed during the execution of Order 66, so he's got pretty close to the complete set, Obi-Wan Kenobi being the final one he got. (Sometimes he doesn't go there to brood. Sometimes he goes there to gloat.) But he still can't bring back his mom or Padme because it only works on the Force-sensitive. (Whether or not this is true or just something Palpatine told him to mess with him is a thought left for the reader.) Anyway, Palpatine doesn't interfere because he figures he can keep Vader from ever actually starting everything up, and whenever Vader goes there he comes back really easy for Palpy to manipulate, whether he went there to brood or to gloat.
But Vader also put a cloning tank of himself there on a timer, so that if he ever died (and thus didn't return) he would be reincarnated. But he put it on, I dunno, a 20-year timer or something because he didn't go all that often and he didn't want two of himself running around and wasn't terribly sure he wanted to be resurrected/reincarnated anyway--his life's been pretty miserable, and yeah, it's mostly his own fault, and that's all the more reason not to want to come back. And, see, it was on this remote uninhabited planet that nobody ever visited but Vader, so the New Republic never found it. And eventually the timer dings, and out pops a new Vader--except a Vader who sacrificed himself for Luke and wants to be Anakin again. He promptly turns on the machines to start the rest of the Jedi cooking, and sits around for a couple of years debating whether he wants to just kill himself to get it over with while the clones are growing to maturity. He's still dithering when the first of the Jedi start awakening (mostly all at once), and now they've got a real problem because this is a teeny outpost not meant to support this many people and they need food and supplies rather urgently.
It is at this point that a passing Jedi (of the New Jedi Order) stops by due to a disturbance in the Force leading them there. (If there's been enough time, preferably one of Corran and Mirax's children.) And the old Jedi are all "Great, the Republic's back? We're saved--they can send a ship!" and the new Jedi is all "Er, let's not be hasty, I don't really trust the New Republic that much and it would be really easy for the news to slip out to our enemies, and you're all really vulnerable here. Let's call on a friend who's helped the Jedi out who has a ship big enough to take all of you guys at once and we can trust! And of course it's Booster Terrik and the Errant Venture, and Valin Halcyon (aka Hal Horn) is one of the Jedi. (Yes, I know that he wasn't killed in the purges or by Vader, he successfully passed as not-a-Jedi until and long after his death. Handwave. I'm going to say that Vader assumed he was dead and got his DNA without knowing he was still alive and a CorSec officer.) Cue shenanigans, and the first of many shocks of what Being a Jedi is Like in the Post-Empire World. And also, the question of What Do We Do With Anakin.
Re: I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
I would read the *heck* out of that story, though! :D (...especially if it has Halcyons and Terriks in it.)
Re: I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
I was only ever able to get my hands on a copy of Dark Empire II, not the first collection, and that only once when I was in high school a decade and a half ago. But Wookiepedia is our friend.
In Dark Empire, we find that the Emperor had a super-sekrit base with cloning cylinders, and six years after his death (i.e. a year after the Thrawn trilogy) he emerged with a new army and ultra-powerful World Devastator machines more dangerous than the Death Stars! Really, the plot as given by Wookiepedia is pretty incoherent and OOC, so I don't think I missed too much.
Re: I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
In the original Thrawn books, though, cloning Jedi makes them come out... weird and wrong (hence getting Nick Fury when you wanted Mace Windu. :P ) Did they solve that? Or is that why Dark Empire was OOC? Or was Dark Empire so incoherent they just ignored it?
Re: I had unexpected amounts of feelings about this one.
One wonders, now that you mention it, what that would do to someone with Jedi powers ...