Easter Baskets, or, The Passion According to Kink Bingo

[melannen]

kink_bingo is running, for the second year in a row, an April mini-challenge based around themed gift baskets. Of kink.

I was kind of surprised to find that in two years, they hadn't done the obvious and made an Easter basket! So I asked if they'd avoided that on purpose because religion, and the mods replied, no, they just honestly hadn't thought of the possibility as they don't celebrate Easter, and I was welcome to do one if I wanted.

....this is one of the cases where my cultural blinkers become readily apparent and I am suddenly smacked in the face by the fact there are lots of people in this world, even who grew up in a culture superficially like mine, who don't realize that the Passion story is made of kink. Basically, all the cultural influence that would later become Christianity looked into its id and pulled out all the most powerful bits, and then 2000 years of repressed clergy and sacrilegious laity embellished it into something with twisted unplumbable depths, and as a result millions and millions of people over history have first discovered that they really liked thinking about certain things while being encouraged to adore an image of a naked man with fresh whip-marks and piercings and dripping blood and an expression of exalted serenity.

Lalala.

None of the above is me having a dirty mind, by the way, that's just Christianity.

The below is me having a dirty mind. Because I set out to make an Easter themed mini-bingo card and realized I couldn't do just one because I'd have to leave too much out. So here is the Passion story in five kink bingo minicards, complete with Biblical references. (The references are heavy on Matthew and John because that's where most of the kinkiest wording is, and also because I'm too lazy to properly cross-reference. Also I was trying not to repeat any kinks, so sometimes I ended up using one that wasn't quite the ideal - several of them recur over and over in the story.)

(Um, do I need to still warn that this isn't a very nice story, and a lot of the kink in it is very not safe or consensual? Although a surprising amount of it is.)

The Lead-up to the Crucifixion

	BI	N	GO
	John 12:1-8 Orgies/Decadence	John 12:12-13 Worship	John 13:3-5 Foot Fetish
	John 13:12-16 Service	John 13:34 FREE SPACE	John 13:8-11 Wet Messy Dirty
	Matthew 16:21-24 Danger	Matthew 26:26 Food	Matthew 26:27-28 Bloodplay

In the Garden of Gethsemane

	BI	N	GO
	Matthew 26:39-42 Begging	Matthew 26:39-42 Obedience	Matthew 26:40-41 Sleepy/Unconscious
	Matthew 26:47 In Public	Matthew 26:50 Free Space	Matthew 26:48-49 Oral Fixation
	Matthew 26:48-49 Possession/Marking	Matthew 26:51-52 Blades	John 18:15-18 Anonymity

The Trial

	BI	N	GO
	Matthew 27:1-2 Authority Figures	John 18:22 Smacking/Slapping	John 18:24 Bondage
	Matthew 27:12-14 Silence	Matthew 27:19 Free Space	Matthew 27:30-31 Humiliation
	John 19:1 Whipping/Flogging	Matthew 27:28-29 Dressup	John 19:2 Silk/Velvet/Feathers/Furs

The Crucifixion
...yeah so a lot of these just go under crucifixion, generally, but there's a reason crosses are a dungeon staple.

	BI	N	GO
	John 19:17-18 Exposure	John 19:17-18 Piercings/Needleplay	John 19:17-18 Suspension
	John 19:17-18 Painplay	John 19:37 Free Space	Luke 23:39-41 Penance/Punishment
	John 19:19-22 Writing on the Body	John 19:23-24 Uniform/Military Fetish	John 19:34 Object Penetration

The Resurrection

	BI	N	GO
	Mark 15:46 Medical Kink	Mark 16:1-2 Washing/Cleaning	Matthew 28:1-5 Emotion Manipulation
	John 20:14-16 Domestic/Tradesman Kink	Luke 24:29 Free Space	John 20:16-17 Body Alteration/Injury
	Luke 24:39 Bodies and Body Parts	John 20:20 Scars/Scarification	John 20:24-27 Fisting/Stretching

...and finally, because I admit that was kind of overkill, here's the Best of the Passion Kink Basket:

	BI	N	GO
	Suspension	Whipping/Flogging	Bloodplay
	Humiliation	Obedience	Begging
	Painplay	Piercings/Needleplay	Penance/Punishment

This does, of course, use the kink_bingo + fandom definition of kink which doesn't necessarily involve active sexuality, it just involves things that grip on a level below conscious control, viscerally, cathartically. Serious discussion of the theology involved strongly encouraged. ^_^

Comments

[mecurtin]

This is awesome, even though you left out one of the kinkiest parts: Mark 14:51-52, with the "young man who ran away naked", for reasons which are theologically *obscure*, to say the least.

[twtd]

I am in awe. Also, I can't breathe because I choked while laughing at "object penetration" in the crucifixion basket.

[cypher]

this is a thing of glory. And I am grinning like a loon at doubting Thomas for fisting/stretching kink. XD

[highlander_ii]

I don't know a whole lot about the theology of it all - I always thought church sermons were pretty boring (I don't do well listening to a dude lecture from the front while I have nothing to do but 'follow along' - I got in lots of trouble for writing fic stuff instead, thus ended up just systematically underlining every verse in my bible for lack of anything better to do), though I have read the enitre New Testament for a college religion class...

but this is pretty epic. =)

I'm all for learning the 'for realz' behind the stories, since a lot of the stories got 'prettied up' for church.

[elf]

This is glorious. And will make me feel much less guilty for suggesting a "Wiccan Initiation" Easter basket card.

[smilingslightly]

I'm loving this a lot. And the things you say are so, so true. ;D

[verity]

OH MY GOD

YOU

YOU ARE MY FAVORITE PERSON RIGHT NOW

[seekingferret]

I'm just impressed that you created that many bingo cards for Easter without any Easter Bunny kink.

[beatrice_otter]

Now I need brain bleach. Particularly since I am in the process of teaching this story to children, including acting out parts of it....

[zlabya]

This is true. All that kinky violence makes the story more visceral and stronger. Really, we have a lot of sex as well as violence in our collective human id, so this makes a lot of psychological as well as theological sense. (And yes, I have a minor in theology and years of contemporary mainline-Christian Bible study and reading).

I'd never heard of the secret Gospel of Mark (canon slash!) I'd once commented to a friend with a strong Biblical theology background (master's degree in it plus a ton of independent reading) that maybe Jesus was intersex and she said "there's evidence for that." That could blow the slash theory but leads to a fascinating array of theological and sociological issues...

[ajnabieh]

A ha ha, this is epic. EPIC. Thank you.

[lindentreeisle]

<3 I love you.

[lutamira]

Okay, so this post totally blew my mind. So many things make so much more sense now, and I have to wonder: is all religion a kind of kink? So many of the big ones are tied into themes of submission and self-sublimation, and have branches that practice all kinds of extraordinary sensory activities.

Re: the actual bingo cards (which are brilliant) there is also maybe sensory deprivation, when John 20:17 has Jesus telling Mary not to touch him?

[lannamichaels]

This is awesome, says someone who mostly knows about this through Life of Brian.

[nakedbee]

Yay! This is very awesome, as well as timely!