Easter Baskets, or, The Passion According to Kink Bingo

[melannen]

kink_bingo is running, for the second year in a row, an April mini-challenge based around themed gift baskets. Of kink.

I was kind of surprised to find that in two years, they hadn't done the obvious and made an Easter basket! So I asked if they'd avoided that on purpose because religion, and the mods replied, no, they just honestly hadn't thought of the possibility as they don't celebrate Easter, and I was welcome to do one if I wanted.

....this is one of the cases where my cultural blinkers become readily apparent and I am suddenly smacked in the face by the fact there are lots of people in this world, even who grew up in a culture superficially like mine, who don't realize that the Passion story is made of kink. Basically, all the cultural influence that would later become Christianity looked into its id and pulled out all the most powerful bits, and then 2000 years of repressed clergy and sacrilegious laity embellished it into something with twisted unplumbable depths, and as a result millions and millions of people over history have first discovered that they really liked thinking about certain things while being encouraged to adore an image of a naked man with fresh whip-marks and piercings and dripping blood and an expression of exalted serenity.

Lalala.

None of the above is me having a dirty mind, by the way, that's just Christianity.

The below is me having a dirty mind. Because I set out to make an Easter themed mini-bingo card and realized I couldn't do just one because I'd have to leave too much out. So here is the Passion story in five kink bingo minicards, complete with Biblical references. (The references are heavy on Matthew and John because that's where most of the kinkiest wording is, and also because I'm too lazy to properly cross-reference. Also I was trying not to repeat any kinks, so sometimes I ended up using one that wasn't quite the ideal - several of them recur over and over in the story.)

(Um, do I need to still warn that this isn't a very nice story, and a lot of the kink in it is very not safe or consensual? Although a surprising amount of it is.)

The Lead-up to the Crucifixion

	BI	N	GO
	John 12:1-8 Orgies/Decadence	John 12:12-13 Worship	John 13:3-5 Foot Fetish
	John 13:12-16 Service	John 13:34 FREE SPACE	John 13:8-11 Wet Messy Dirty
	Matthew 16:21-24 Danger	Matthew 26:26 Food	Matthew 26:27-28 Bloodplay

In the Garden of Gethsemane

	BI	N	GO
	Matthew 26:39-42 Begging	Matthew 26:39-42 Obedience	Matthew 26:40-41 Sleepy/Unconscious
	Matthew 26:47 In Public	Matthew 26:50 Free Space	Matthew 26:48-49 Oral Fixation
	Matthew 26:48-49 Possession/Marking	Matthew 26:51-52 Blades	John 18:15-18 Anonymity

The Trial

	BI	N	GO
	Matthew 27:1-2 Authority Figures	John 18:22 Smacking/Slapping	John 18:24 Bondage
	Matthew 27:12-14 Silence	Matthew 27:19 Free Space	Matthew 27:30-31 Humiliation
	John 19:1 Whipping/Flogging	Matthew 27:28-29 Dressup	John 19:2 Silk/Velvet/Feathers/Furs

The Crucifixion
...yeah so a lot of these just go under crucifixion, generally, but there's a reason crosses are a dungeon staple.

	BI	N	GO
	John 19:17-18 Exposure	John 19:17-18 Piercings/Needleplay	John 19:17-18 Suspension
	John 19:17-18 Painplay	John 19:37 Free Space	Luke 23:39-41 Penance/Punishment
	John 19:19-22 Writing on the Body	John 19:23-24 Uniform/Military Fetish	John 19:34 Object Penetration

The Resurrection

	BI	N	GO
	Mark 15:46 Medical Kink	Mark 16:1-2 Washing/Cleaning	Matthew 28:1-5 Emotion Manipulation
	John 20:14-16 Domestic/Tradesman Kink	Luke 24:29 Free Space	John 20:16-17 Body Alteration/Injury
	Luke 24:39 Bodies and Body Parts	John 20:20 Scars/Scarification	John 20:24-27 Fisting/Stretching

...and finally, because I admit that was kind of overkill, here's the Best of the Passion Kink Basket:

	BI	N	GO
	Suspension	Whipping/Flogging	Bloodplay
	Humiliation	Obedience	Begging
	Painplay	Piercings/Needleplay	Penance/Punishment

This does, of course, use the kink_bingo + fandom definition of kink which doesn't necessarily involve active sexuality, it just involves things that grip on a level below conscious control, viscerally, cathartically. Serious discussion of the theology involved strongly encouraged. ^_^

Comments

[sineala]

Oh oh, is it time to talk about the Secret Gospel of Mark? That's my favorite bit! (Except maybe for the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, because wheeee.)

Unless I have it wrong and that part of Mark is not where the Secret Gospel goes. *is not actually a Christian, sorry*

[melannen]

The Secret Gospel goes elsewhere, but that bit is supposed to be a bit of the Secret Gospel that was accidentally left in the real one.

(I have to confess that every instinct I've got has always told me the Secret Gospel letter was a fairly modern fake - it's just such an interesting coincidence that the only quotations that survive are the ones best tailored to appeal to the prurient interests of the second half of the 20th century, and it was discovered in the second half of the late 20th century by a scholar who was invested in the idea of Christ as libertine who then mysteriously lost track of the original. That does not make it less amusing a fanfic though.)

I have always had a deep affection for the Nag Hammadi secret gospels, though. The gnostic philosophy/sayings of Christ parts are usually interesting, and then there are the bits of them that read like the fossilized remains of a juvenile shipwar - "John was the disciple Jesus loved and went off alone with at night and whispered secrets to!" "No, Thomas was!" "No, James was!" "No, Peter was, and you're all stupidheads!" ...and then there's the Gospel of Mary Magdalene where they all get together and admit it was her. You come to the inescapable conclusion that he must have been juggling all of them on alternate nights. :D

And the infancy gospels are brilliant crackfic, especially Thomas! I also like some of the books that tour Heaven and Hell, like the books of Enoch. They make no sense but there were definitely some frustrated SF writers out there.