Every so often I go through these phases where I'm utterly depressed, and I'm convinced I'm completely worthless, and have only been fooling people all this time into thinking I was actually worth anything, and now I don't even care enough anymore to fool them.

Usually this results in me going off the internet and reading sf 'til it passes, but I'm allowed to whine once in a while, ne?

Right now all I want to do is get a job somewhere where I can do mindless work eight hours a day, not have to worry about getting fired but be able to quit and walk off whenever I want to, and make just enough money to keep me in a one-room apartment, a fast 'net connection, and enough milk, cheese, rice, and fruit to keep me alive. Sleep fourteen hours a day and daydream the rest. No expectations to meet, no responsibilities to fulfill, nobody to worry about worrying about me. ¿Que quieres en la vida, niña? Libertad. Simple libertad.

Oh well, by tomorrow probably my blood sugar will be up and my blood will be moving again and I'll be over it. Luckily I'm a girl and I'm allowed to blame it on my hormones and thus avoid the horrible trap of recursive depression.

Anyway! Enough angst! Enough of my angst, anyway, so instead I have some icky Snape/Bellatrix hetsmut that's been sitting in my notebook for a couple weeks, since I realized pornish_pixies only takes slash. Snape/Black tendencies aside, I don't think this qualifies.

Title: Dust of Azkaban
Warnings: R. Very dark. Icky. Mostly plotless. During OotP. Het. Snape/Bellatrix.
Word Count: 1300
Disclaimer: J. K. Rowling's. Well, they resemble hers a little, at least.
( In which Snape does, in fact, wash his hair. )

So did I manage to make it work? :P And does anybody know of a good place for HP hetsmut, anyway? Everybody but rs.org seems to be slash-only, grumble.

Wow. It's possible to actually learn things from Quizilla quizzes. I am shocked, I tell you, shocked.

For example, I never knew that there was a Communist anthem sung to the same tune as the Maryland state song.

The people's flag is deepest red
It shrouded oft our martyred dead;
And ere their limbs grew stiff and cold
Their hearts' blood dyed to every fold.

Then raise the scarlet standard high!
Beneath its folds we'll live and die.
Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer
We'll keep the red flag flying here.

As compared, of course, to:

The despot's heel is on thy shore, Maryland, my Maryland.
His torch is at thy temple door, Maryland, my Maryland.
Avenge the patriotic gore, that flecked the streets of Baltimore,
And be the battle queen of yore, Maryland my Maryland.

I hear the distant thunder-hum, Maryland my Maryland.
The Old Line bugle, fife, and drum, Maryland my Maryland.
She is not dead, nor deaf, nor dumb--Huzza! She spurns the Northern scum!
She breathes - she burns - she'll come - she'll come! Maryland! My Maryland!

I can't decide which version I like better, truly.

And, to continue despot's heel and bloody revolution theme: I'm suddenly really tempted to go Kerry for the Democratic primaries, only because he's buying banner ads at sites I visit :P And they say Dean knows how to work the 'net-- anybody who's not ashamed to have their name associated with ff.net has *my* support. Even if they are really stupid bush-bashing ads, as opposed to anything that might make me like Kerry over any other Democrat. Anyone can bash Bush; it's too easy. The thing that amused me most about the miserable failure googlebomb was that all the other search results *also* spoke about Bush's policies.

No, honestly, I still like Dean. Only because he agrees with me on *all* the issues, (except a few where I'm more conservative, like gun control and civil unions), and he's running basically the same campaign that I would, only better. Except his website isn't Opera-accessible (as opposed to Kerry, who has ads on Opera). And it's not as much fun now that most people think he can win. And when I read the things the deanies post on ljs and blogs about 'integrity' and 'down-to-earth' and 'time for a change' I want to spew. Do they not recall that that's what got our *current* president elected? Dean is different because he thinks he can win as a liberal and a populist, which has been missing in a mainstream candidate since, oh, Carter. And that is *all*.