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Meme via tumblr
Okay, I hardly ever meme, but I need something to re-awaken my fanfiction organs, I think, so here, ask me about the one that's going around tumblr right now. (Not posting to tumblr because trying to do this sort of thing in tumblr posts is terrible in all ways.)
scootiemcbooty:
...any ship, but depending on what ship you ask for, you may get what you deserve.
scootiemcbooty:
Put a ship inmy aska comment and I will tell you a bit about how each of the following scenarios would go down for them:
Okay, requests closed, sorry, I've wasted too much time on this already. :P
- Fake dating
- BodyswapÂ
- Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it
- Dark!fic
- Secret kinks
- Their first kiss
- Meeting the parents
- Moving in together
- A crossover of my choice
- An au of my choice
- If you like, another trope/scenario of your choice
...any ship, but depending on what ship you ask for, you may get what you deserve.
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...this was probably started as a joke on Hilarion's part that got rapidly out of hand after Alexios decided it would serve him right if he played it up. Maybe some higher-ups come to see how they're doing with the Attacotti, and they spend the whole time making snide comments about how Alexios is too kind to the men and too friendly with the barbarians and *especially* too easy on that insubordinate ducenarius who is always leaning on things, if you know what I mean and I think you do, and Hilarion picks up on it and decides to play the Commander's catamite just for giggles (and to entertain the men). He expects Alexios to go all stiff and try to stop him, but Alexios is just as fed up with the visitors as he is, and also kind of fed up with Hilarion at this point, so he remembers one particularly obnoxious aristocrat he knew when he was a kid and plays it up, and Hilarion gets really confused, etc. etc. (the higher-ups are disgusted but they can't actually find anything wrong with the running of the fort, and when Alexios' uncle hears about the report he just sighs a lot.)
Bodyswap
Would consist mostly of Alexios going "Don't destroy my command while pretending to be me!" and Hilarion saying "No worries" in the least reassuring way possible, and mimicking Alexios in a way that seems flawless to everyone other than Alexios, and spendsing a lot of time coaching Alexios in how to relax already, I didn't even know my body *could* be that tense, Alexios, you really need to get laid. It would probably result in some sort of heartwarming, plotty resolution where Hilarion has to actually command in a crisis and is actually kind of good at it but hates everything about it intensely and Hilarion and Alexios both learn important things about life as a result of having to pretend to be each other.
Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it
Okay, I'll be honest: I'm *way* more interested in what happens when the sex pollen winds sweep down over the wall from the North and the entire fort of Castellum is sex pollen whammied. Cunorix tries to explain but Alexios doesn't really... understand, and the men of the Wolves respect him but that doesn't mean they want to try to explain something like that to him. So they show their respect for him by locking him in his quarters with Hilarion on the day of - Hilarion whines for months after about missing out on most of the fun, but both him and Alexios are blushing at the time, so everybody knows he doesn't really mean it.
Dark!fic
Canon. This is canon. Let's not.
Secret kinks
..this is kind of hard because things Romans considered kinks are different from modern kinks, and I'm not that well up on my Roman sex right now. Uh. Alexios secretly doesn't actually care about all the penetrator/penetrated status/hierarchy stuff involved in Roman sex, he just likes, you know, being with someone? He actually likes swapping out who does what and how, and he does get a little thrill of the subversive from it, from doing 'degrading' things but defiantly not feeling degraded by them. And Hilarion actually likes a certain amount of ordering around in bed, but not in the roles the Romans approve of. I don't think this stays secret very long once they get together, though, and any other kinky stuff they do they pretty willingly explore together.
Their first kiss
It's embarrassing but neither of them can remember. There were handjobs and sleeping together and frottage and lots of general touching and even oral sex before they got around to kissing, and then one very cold winter night Hilarion paushed in the middle of sex and was like "when did we start with kissing each other?" and they can't actually remember.
Meeting the parents
Hilarion met Alexios's mother while Alexios was unconscious, actually; she turned up while he was recovering and Hilarion spent a lot of time attempting (with some success) to keep a straight face while dealing with her, and keep her from upsetting Alexios too much. He finds her amusing; Alexios finds her exasperating; so basically pretty much every time after that when Alexios has to deal with her, he just sends Hilarion to take her out shopping or something.
Hilarion never mentions his parents, not even after decades. For all Alexios can tell (and from what Hilarion has, sometimes, whispers that he would rather remember) he sprang up fully formed in the Frontier Wolves.
Moving in together
Canon. This is also canon.
A crossover of my choice
The one where Hilarion is manning an almost-entirely-automated monitoring station on the Romulan side of the Neutral Zone and secretly smuggling Romulan Ale to Cunorix and Connla on the Federation side, and also sometimes military secrets (both ways, and under various orders - it's long been understood that the main reason the monitoring stations are still manned is so that they can be believably 'unofficial' information conduits) and then honorable Alexios is sent there in exile to be his 'Commander' and things get rapidly more complicated depending on how long I want the darn story to end up being and how closely I'm paralleling canon.
An au of my choice
...this is surprisingly hard, I don't really think in terms of AUs for this canon, and there aren't really any places where I can change canon events but keep it Alexios/Hilarion.
I know! Regency Romance AU. What could possibly go wrong there??
Werewolves
So as much as Frontier Wolf cries out for werewolf AUs, I actually think that if I wrote it, it would be a lot more subltle? The Wolves don't actually transform into wolves, they don't even really get special wolfy powers, but all the same, once you've killed your brother and slept in his skin, you become part of a kinship that you share only with other Wolves. You dream of the wolves, and of running with your pack-mates, and the Frontier Wolves can communicate wordlessly and cooperate and hunt as a pack and fight like wolves and howl complicated messages to each other over the hills. The Tribesmen treat them as the uncanny creatures they are, and once you've been a wolf for awhile you don't... read as fully human to other humans, not without making a special effort; you don't move like a human or emote like a human or think like a human anymore, really, and that's why nobody ever leaves the Frontier Wolves, not by choice, anyway.
Alexios was a Wolf long enough to never be able to leave them, but a short enough time that he still passes, mostly; Hilarion has always been better than most at keeping his wolf nature hidden under a facade; so when the pack is split up and it's just the two of them, most people don't even notice, and they still have their pack of two and wear their wolfskins. (the Attacotti notice, though. They know that their Roman commanders are not as other men; they can smell spirit on the wind and they move like wild creatures when they are roused.)
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Also, please tell me that someone is writing the sex pollen story. I would even write it, that's how much I want to read it.
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