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They're watching yooou. . .
I've been re-reading a lot of ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ivyblossom's work this morning. One line in "Your Darkest Voice" struck me particularly today. (I lie. Half the lines strike me; ivyblossom is bloody brilliant, as everybody knows. But this entry is not about the fangirling. No!)
So, yes. This line:
I realized that one of the things I take for granted, so much for granted that I never think about it, is the idea that I can never be absolutely sure I'm alone. Anywhere I am, whatever I'm doing, someone could be watching me. Okay, probably not Draco Malfoy in a stolen invisibility cloak. But a hidden FBI spy camera. Or one-way mirror glass. Or a closeted telepath. Or like in that really stupid plotline in series 8 of Red Dwarf when they think they're escaping but it's actually just a simulation that's being taped for evidence.
So maybe it's not likely. But it's possible. And if there's one thing that is the absolute foundation of my belief system, it's that everything is possible, and more likely to happen than not. So I've lived my life assuming that nothing is really private, and my only hope is security through obscurity. It occured to me today that some people actually believe they can act in total secrecy. And they might think this conviction of mine is really strange, or even paranoid.
It's not paranoia, honestly. Paranoia would be believing that people are watching me and desperately trying to hide from them. I believe that if they want to watch me, I can't stop them, so I might as well accept it. And I'm fine with that, and simply don't do anything I'm ashamed of. And try not to be ashamed of anything I do.
Why do I feel this way? Hmm. For rather nebulous reasons I blame it on Orson Scott Card. For reading Ender's Game at the tender age of nine (and Pastwatch not too many years thereafter). That Game creeped me out. It haunted me for weeks. It was probably the creepiest thing I'd read at that point. In fact, it's still probably one of the creepiest things I've ever read (not counting certain fanfiction). Partly because it was so plausible. They could be watching us and analyzing us; what use fighting it?
(also one of the reasons Ender's Shadow annoyed me, by the way.)
Not that I act the same way I do in private that I do in public. Most of the time, anyway. But it's not that I want to hide what I do in private. It's more like, there are certain mores about what you can and can't do in public, and people out there reasonably expect not to be subjected to anything else. And if people want to be keep believing in the face I use in public, it's not polite to disillusion them if I can help it. "Hypocrisy is the grease that keeps society running" - that's Heinlein, I think. But if they want to spy on me, if they really care enough about me to try to find out what I don't tell, it's their fault if they see something they don't like. Their shame, not mine.
So, for example, I would be unlikely to sit out on the Mall while wearing only the pajama bottoms I haven't taken off for three days, cleaning out my ears with chopsticks, reading Harry Potter porn, humming along to the Backstreet Boys and eating month-old Cheez Doodles dipped in chocolate icing. But I don't care if people find out I do that when I'm alone in my room. (Not that I would ever do so, of course, as They who are spying on me know.
ivyblossom's work this morning. One line in "Your Darkest Voice" struck me particularly today. (I lie. Half the lines strike me; ivyblossom is bloody brilliant, as everybody knows. But this entry is not about the fangirling. No!)So, yes. This line:
"In spite of the fact that he does not have his invisibility cloak, it did not seem to occur to him that he might not be alone."
I realized that one of the things I take for granted, so much for granted that I never think about it, is the idea that I can never be absolutely sure I'm alone. Anywhere I am, whatever I'm doing, someone could be watching me. Okay, probably not Draco Malfoy in a stolen invisibility cloak. But a hidden FBI spy camera. Or one-way mirror glass. Or a closeted telepath. Or like in that really stupid plotline in series 8 of Red Dwarf when they think they're escaping but it's actually just a simulation that's being taped for evidence.
So maybe it's not likely. But it's possible. And if there's one thing that is the absolute foundation of my belief system, it's that everything is possible, and more likely to happen than not. So I've lived my life assuming that nothing is really private, and my only hope is security through obscurity. It occured to me today that some people actually believe they can act in total secrecy. And they might think this conviction of mine is really strange, or even paranoid.
It's not paranoia, honestly. Paranoia would be believing that people are watching me and desperately trying to hide from them. I believe that if they want to watch me, I can't stop them, so I might as well accept it. And I'm fine with that, and simply don't do anything I'm ashamed of. And try not to be ashamed of anything I do.
Why do I feel this way? Hmm. For rather nebulous reasons I blame it on Orson Scott Card. For reading Ender's Game at the tender age of nine (and Pastwatch not too many years thereafter). That Game creeped me out. It haunted me for weeks. It was probably the creepiest thing I'd read at that point. In fact, it's still probably one of the creepiest things I've ever read (not counting certain fanfiction). Partly because it was so plausible. They could be watching us and analyzing us; what use fighting it?
(also one of the reasons Ender's Shadow annoyed me, by the way.)
Not that I act the same way I do in private that I do in public. Most of the time, anyway. But it's not that I want to hide what I do in private. It's more like, there are certain mores about what you can and can't do in public, and people out there reasonably expect not to be subjected to anything else. And if people want to be keep believing in the face I use in public, it's not polite to disillusion them if I can help it. "Hypocrisy is the grease that keeps society running" - that's Heinlein, I think. But if they want to spy on me, if they really care enough about me to try to find out what I don't tell, it's their fault if they see something they don't like. Their shame, not mine.
So, for example, I would be unlikely to sit out on the Mall while wearing only the pajama bottoms I haven't taken off for three days, cleaning out my ears with chopsticks, reading Harry Potter porn, humming along to the Backstreet Boys and eating month-old Cheez Doodles dipped in chocolate icing. But I don't care if people find out I do that when I'm alone in my room. (Not that I would ever do so, of course, as They who are spying on me know.
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<_<)</lj-cut>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]
I've been re-reading a lot of <lj site="livejournal.com" user="ivyblossom">'s work this morning. One line in "Your Darkest Voice" struck me particularly today. (I lie. Half the lines strike me; ivyblossom is bloody brilliant, as everybody knows. But this entry is not about the fangirling. No!)
So, yes. This line:<quote>
"In spite of the fact that he does not have his invisibility cloak, it did not seem to occur to him that he might not be alone."</quote>
<lj-cut text="I realized that one of the things I take for granted is the idea that I can never be sure I'm alone."> I realized that one of the things I take for granted, so much for granted that I never think about it, is the idea that I can never be absolutely sure I'm alone. Anywhere I am, whatever I'm doing, someone could be watching me. Okay, probably <i>not</i> Draco Malfoy in a stolen invisibility cloak. But a hidden FBI spy camera. Or one-way mirror glass. Or a closeted telepath. Or like in that really stupid plotline in series 8 of Red Dwarf when they think they're escaping but it's actually just a simulation that's being taped for evidence.
So maybe it's not <i>likely</i>. But it's <i>possible</i>. And if there's one thing that is the absolute foundation of my belief system, it's that everything is possible, and more likely to happen than not. So I've lived my life assuming that nothing is really private, and my only hope is security through obscurity. It occured to me today that some people actually believe they can act in total secrecy. And they might think this conviction of mine is really strange, or even paranoid.
It's <i>not</i> paranoia, honestly. Paranoia would be believing that people are watching me and desperately trying to hide from them. I believe that if they want to watch me, I can't stop them, so I might as well accept it. And I'm fine with that, and simply don't do anything I'm ashamed of. And try not to be ashamed of anything I do.
Why do I feel this way? Hmm. For rather nebulous reasons I blame it on Orson Scott Card. For reading Ender's Game at the tender age of nine (and Pastwatch not too many years thereafter). That Game creeped me out. It haunted me for weeks. It was probably the creepiest thing I'd read at that point. In fact, it's still probably one of the creepiest things I've ever read (not counting certain fanfiction). Partly <i>because</i> it was so plausible. They <i>could</i> be watching us and analyzing us; what use fighting it?
(also one of the reasons Ender's Shadow annoyed me, by the way.)
Not that I act the same way I do in private that I do in public. Most of the time, anyway. But it's not that I want to hide what I do in private. It's more like, there are certain mores about what you can and can't do in public, and people out there reasonably expect not to be subjected to anything else. And if people want to be keep believing in the face I use in public, it's not polite to disillusion them if I can help it. "Hypocrisy is the grease that keeps society running" - that's Heinlein, I think. But if they want to spy on me, if they really care enough about me to try to find out what I don't tell, it's their fault if they see something they don't like. Their shame, not mine.
So, for example, I would be unlikely to sit out on the Mall while wearing only the pajama bottoms I haven't taken off for three days, cleaning out my ears with chopsticks, reading Harry Potter porn, humming along to the Backstreet Boys and eating month-old Cheez Doodles dipped in chocolate icing. But I don't care if people find out I do that when I'm alone in my room. (Not that I would <i>ever</i> do so, of course, as They who are spying on me know. <_<)</lj-cut>
I suppose the above can serve as a warning that I consider this journal much closer to "alone in my room with people spying on me" than "public." If you'd rather not know, don't read it, yes?
Oh, and back to the fangirling: I need more <a href="http://ivy.veela-inc.net/fanfiction/stories/water.html">Dead Poet slash</a>! *weeps* Who would wait for DV14 when there is hope of Dead Poets? I don't even care <i>which</i> Dead Poets! Especially pretty Byronic ones!
(I only object to Real-Person-Slash when the characters are alive and have not given explicit permission. This applies to only one set of "Dead Poets" of which I know. And y'know, if somebody slashed <i>them</i>, I think I'd be willing to make an exception. *grins cheekily*.)
So, yes. This line:<quote>
"In spite of the fact that he does not have his invisibility cloak, it did not seem to occur to him that he might not be alone."</quote>
<lj-cut text="I realized that one of the things I take for granted is the idea that I can never be sure I'm alone."> I realized that one of the things I take for granted, so much for granted that I never think about it, is the idea that I can never be absolutely sure I'm alone. Anywhere I am, whatever I'm doing, someone could be watching me. Okay, probably <i>not</i> Draco Malfoy in a stolen invisibility cloak. But a hidden FBI spy camera. Or one-way mirror glass. Or a closeted telepath. Or like in that really stupid plotline in series 8 of Red Dwarf when they think they're escaping but it's actually just a simulation that's being taped for evidence.
So maybe it's not <i>likely</i>. But it's <i>possible</i>. And if there's one thing that is the absolute foundation of my belief system, it's that everything is possible, and more likely to happen than not. So I've lived my life assuming that nothing is really private, and my only hope is security through obscurity. It occured to me today that some people actually believe they can act in total secrecy. And they might think this conviction of mine is really strange, or even paranoid.
It's <i>not</i> paranoia, honestly. Paranoia would be believing that people are watching me and desperately trying to hide from them. I believe that if they want to watch me, I can't stop them, so I might as well accept it. And I'm fine with that, and simply don't do anything I'm ashamed of. And try not to be ashamed of anything I do.
Why do I feel this way? Hmm. For rather nebulous reasons I blame it on Orson Scott Card. For reading Ender's Game at the tender age of nine (and Pastwatch not too many years thereafter). That Game creeped me out. It haunted me for weeks. It was probably the creepiest thing I'd read at that point. In fact, it's still probably one of the creepiest things I've ever read (not counting certain fanfiction). Partly <i>because</i> it was so plausible. They <i>could</i> be watching us and analyzing us; what use fighting it?
(also one of the reasons Ender's Shadow annoyed me, by the way.)
Not that I act the same way I do in private that I do in public. Most of the time, anyway. But it's not that I want to hide what I do in private. It's more like, there are certain mores about what you can and can't do in public, and people out there reasonably expect not to be subjected to anything else. And if people want to be keep believing in the face I use in public, it's not polite to disillusion them if I can help it. "Hypocrisy is the grease that keeps society running" - that's Heinlein, I think. But if they want to spy on me, if they really care enough about me to try to find out what I don't tell, it's their fault if they see something they don't like. Their shame, not mine.
So, for example, I would be unlikely to sit out on the Mall while wearing only the pajama bottoms I haven't taken off for three days, cleaning out my ears with chopsticks, reading Harry Potter porn, humming along to the Backstreet Boys and eating month-old Cheez Doodles dipped in chocolate icing. But I don't care if people find out I do that when I'm alone in my room. (Not that I would <i>ever</i> do so, of course, as They who are spying on me know. <_<)</lj-cut>
I suppose the above can serve as a warning that I consider this journal much closer to "alone in my room with people spying on me" than "public." If you'd rather not know, don't read it, yes?
Oh, and back to the fangirling: I need more <a href="http://ivy.veela-inc.net/fanfiction/stories/water.html">Dead Poet slash</a>! *weeps* Who would wait for DV14 when there is hope of Dead Poets? I don't even care <i>which</i> Dead Poets! Especially pretty Byronic ones!
(I only object to Real-Person-Slash when the characters are alive and have not given explicit permission. This applies to only one set of "Dead Poets" of which I know. And y'know, if somebody slashed <i>them</i>, I think I'd be willing to make an exception. *grins cheekily*.)
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But other than that, yep, I only know one set of Dead Poets. ;) What do you mean, "slash with others?" Is there some particular guy outside that group that I should know about? *grin*
I resent the bit about 'too many ideas'. No such thing. Especially after those conversations we had about who was on top. *grins again*
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(Anonymous) 2003-04-19 05:50 pm (UTC)(link)--C
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And I still say I wish I had asked for "more lines" instead of a "bigger part", those quarkie writters.
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And I guess you are right, and that was a good conversation, we need more of those. *grin*
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(Anonymous) 2003-04-19 05:50 pm (UTC)(link)--C
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My sister gave me the mp3.
It's kinda catchy-- I mean, it's for research purposes. yeah.
You know, there's real no excuse for it, is there?
*Skips off, humming "Ain't nothin' but a heart--ache, Ain't nothin' but a mis--take, I-I never wanna hear you say, I want it that - a- way . . ."
It sounds really cool played at 1/8 speed by my messed up mp3 player, though. Like background music from the boss fight of a cyberpunk video came.
*I* find it distburbing that you think that's worse than the NC-17 Harry Potter smut.
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(Anonymous) 2003-04-19 06:47 pm (UTC)(link)--C
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Porn is normal and healthy, yes. Porn about semi-consensual underage incestuous bsdm involving characters from a children's book, I sometimes wonder.
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Anyway, I read it for the plot.
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(Anonymous) 2003-04-19 08:10 pm (UTC)(link)--C
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