A deck of cards

[melannen]

Completely unrelated to the previous post, my AO3 playing card deck came a couple of weeks ago!

I think it is just using the 52 most-used freeform tags on AO3 (not counting the ones too pornographic for Legal to allow) which is why there is both a Fix-it card and a Canon Divergence-Fixit card, but they are very fun and I can see them being good for both story-plotting and divination. The graphic design for every tag is also very clean and fun, although none of us could figure out what the heck was going on with the Gen card.

Anyway, there are fifty-two tags (and two wild cards) in the deck, and COINCIDENTALLY, I have more-or-less 52 files in my "wips I really wish I was finishing" Scrivener file. So what I should do is match the cards to the files and every day I draw a card and have to add at least one word to that file. But instead I'm probably just going to write them up here. For fun.

• ♥ King of Hearts : Enemies to Lovers
  Star Trek:TOS. The one where Captains Kirk and Kor let out some of their post-Organia aggression on each other, and perhaps come to an accord.
  Why it's not done: Waiting for Errand of Mercy to come around in reruns and/or the second novelization to be released, so I can get a better grasp of canon.
  
• ♥ Queen of Hearts : There Was Only One Bed!
  This one was surprisingly tricky? I guess it really isn't a trope that does much for me, but I have a fic where I got stuck because I couldn't figure out how to get them into bed together, so, maybe?
  Locked Tomb/Machineries of Empire. The one where Cheris the First visits the Dominican Empire to do some necromancy research and then has to try to convince the Saint of Joy that she is not actually a Lyctor, despite the whole, you know, eating a cavalier thing. That she did.
  Why it's not done: Can't figure out how to get Cheris and Mercy into the same bed together. Also, need to figure out the necromantic equations relevant to killing Kujen. (Possibly, these are the same problem.)
  
• ♥ Jack : Slow Burn
  Welcome to Mars. The missing sex scene where Nanette and Dolph finally Do It after two and a half years as teenagers trapped together in a very small shelter living on mildly psychotropic alien lichen that slow down time perception.
  Why it's not done: Ended up really sympathizing with Nanette more than expected, still haven't gotten around to the bit where they're on Mars yet.
  
• ♥ 10 : Fake Dating
  DCU. The one where Clark Kent tells Lois he can't date her until she (independently) discovers all his secrets, which somehow?? results in Lois and Bruce fake-dating, none of them are quite sure how that happened.
  Why it's not done: Both Lois and Bruce are smarter than me.
  
• ♥ 9 : Arranged Marriage
  Discworld. The Men at Arms AU where, in order to get married, Sybil and Sam have to find two other people who are willing to marry them. Luckily, when they were kids, Sybil and an old Day friend promised to marry each other if they needed to fill out a four, and Sybil thinks he's even rather fond of Sam. Unfortunately Sam disagrees.
  Why it's not done: Writing a MaA AU where I gloss over all the police stuff feels different than it did when I started this story, but there isn't really anything in the A plot that would change in the AU, so I don't know how to do anything else without going way off-plan.
  
• ♥ 8 : Soulmates
  Dresden Files. The one where Marcone knew they were soulmates as soon as they soulgazed; Dresden's a bit slow, but he was willing to give him time to figure it out - until suddenly there was no more time, and it's now or never (also they're stuck huddling for warmth in a Canadian shack.)
  Why it's not done: I broke up with the fandom after Ghost Story. I am willing to pretend the rest of canon doesn't exist, but it still hurts the enthusiasm a bit.
  
• ♥ 7 : Hanahaki
  Murderbot. Turns out the Company thought constructs hiding their feelings was dangerous and built in a fail-safe; Murderbot is going to end up coughing up all of its lung-analogue foliate membranes unless it learns how to talk about its warm fuzzy feelings in time. Can it do it?
  Why it's not done: I thought it was almost done and then realized I needed a different ending which is going to at least triple the length, and require writing a character I'm not confident about, and figuring out how ftl works in this universe.
  
• ♥ 6 : Roommates
  Les Miserables. The very fluffy modern AU where Grantaire knows living alone will set back his recovery, but the only person he knows who's offering to room with him is Enjolras. Enjolras is aroace. Grantaire is in love with him - but he's akioromantic and doesn't want his feelings returned. Can these two crazy kids make it work??
  Why it's not done: Got really self-conscious about finding the balance of fluffy modern AU quiltbag romance and writing Les Amis as doing real revolutionary work.
  
• ♥ 5 : Accidental Baby Acquisition
  Deadpool. Deadpool knew when he started dating a Summers-Grey there was a fairly good chance their kid from an AU future would turn up eventually, so when a sulky teen appears claiming she's theirs, he's prepared. Cable is not only not prepared, he also didn't know they were dating. But then there's the whole thing with Stryfe, and the future isn't polite enough to stay in the future.
  Why it's not done: time travel mechanics are hard man
  
• ♥ 4 : Amnesia
  MCU. The one where Peggy and Nick have been secretly married since before it was legal in half the country, but Peggy's getting older and getting forgetful and Nick… isn't. And meanwhile her first beau is back in town, exactly as she still remembers him.
  Why it's not done: So much new canon that, afaict, touches on this without ever quite contradicting it, and yet I aggressively don't care about the new canon so much I don't even want to find out enough to ignore it.
  
• ♥ 3 : Friends to Lovers
  Highlander. The one I started on a bet that nobody could write a believably IC Mac/Methos fic where Methos was the one who'd never been with a man before. (It's frankly easier than doing it with Mac, but that's not saying much.)
  Why it's not done: Writing normal sweet sex between people who (mostly) uncomplicatedly like each other is hard, man.
  
• ♥ 2 : Pining
  Dresden Files. The one where Dresden, in the middle of his usual crises, needs somewhere safe to take a nap, and somewhere in his sleep-deprivation-addled mind he decided the safest place in the city was under John's desk. And John just has to sit there and take meetings like that.
  Why it's not done: I had to actually write the meetings and I know just enough about local Chicago affairs to want to do it well but not enough to actually do it well.
  
• ♥ 1 : Gen
  SGA/Highlander. The one where Methos gets himself onto the Atlantis expedition because he remembers just enough about the Goa'uld days, not to mention Dan'yel of Abydos at the old temple of Sais and his stories of Atlantis and the Ancients. Of course, there are lots of other Immortals and Pre-Immortals along on the Stargate trip - that's the Ancient gene for you - and Watchers tagging after them - and taking a quickening near any quantity of Naquadah is a very, very bad idea - so it's going to be an interesting few years whether they make it back to Earth or not.
  Why it's not done: I have no plot. I thought about sticking a ship in just to give it a ship arc at least but it didn't really work and I still have a bunch of scenes and a bunch of worldbuilding and no plot.
  
• ♠ K of S : Nobody Dies/Everybody Lives
  MDZS. The sequel to the mpreg fic, where the only person who's going to be allowed to deliver Wei Wuxian's baby with Lan Wangji is Wen Qing, so Jin Ling had better *hope* he can figure out where his uncle stashed her in time!
  Why it's not done: Honestly, there's so much good MDZS fic out there right now that there's no need to write anything because somebody else is probably doing it already!
  
• ♠ Queen of Spades : Major Character Death
  Star Trek:TOS/Torchwood. In which Jack Harkness comes to K's't'lk with a research proposal and/or proposition, and she might finally get her chance to properly make love to a Human captain exactly the way he's asking for it.
  Why it's not done: Look, extrememly non-humanoid sex that involves four-dimensional maths and music theory is easier than vanilla stuff, yes - I wrote it last year for yuletide - but it's still not easy. Also I got stuck figuring out how they would arrange a large enough space on the Starbase to do it.
  
• ♠ Jack : Chatfic
  Leverage. The one where they figure out they can use Hardison's magic earbuds for phone sex. (optional sequel: They get involved in some business with mysterious "alien" technology and eventually realize it works even the they forget the earbuds.)
  Why it's not done: I couldn't figure out how to work Nate in. Now I wonder if I should just watch Redemption and write the post-Nate version, except I think it needs to be set earlier in the relationship, although I guess at least I can feel less bad about leaving Nate out?
  
• ♠ 10 : No Archive Warnings Apply
  Star Trek:TOS. Spock comes back from a Vulcan religious retreat with his hair grown out and starts wearing it in practical braids while he's on shift, and McCoy is only an ol' country doctor and absolutely cannot resist pulling them and/or dipping them in inkwells every chance he gets.
  Why it's not done: Watching Daniel Boone before Star Trek every week has made me feel weird about putting Spock in braids, even though logically that has nothing to do with this story at all.
  
• ♠ 9 : Ambiguous/Open Ending
  Harry Potter. Post-canon, Hermione gets fed up with Ron and they go on a break; in fact she's fed up with men entirely and tries out a meetup for radical witches' rights, where she meets one of her old professors who offers to show her how witches do it for themselves. Will she realize what she's been missing all this time? Or will she decide to go back to Ron after all??
  Why it's not done: This is the second oldest story on here (and the first X-rated I ever tried to write) but I can't look at it now without thinking about where JKR has gone since, even though it's literally just pr0n and it's very nearly done.
  
• ♠ 8 : LGBTQ Themes
  Imperial Radch. The one where Seivarden stowed away on the wrong ship and washed up on Gethen instead of Nilt, where she sort of drifts into a Handdarata fastness for recovery and is actually doing okay when she stumbles another Radchaai face-down in a snowdrift. Meanwhile, Breq has come to the Fastness to ask the question: How do I kill Anaander Mianaai? and Seivarden is going to have to Weave that Foretelling for her...
  Why it's not done: I can't decide if I need to write the scene where Seivarden takes Breq to a kemmerhouse, and thus can't decide if I need to write the stuff to lead into it. Is it necessary? Is it just that I really want to write it? Is it just that I *don't* want to have to write it? I should probably just write it and decide later huh.
  
• ♠ 7 : No Beta We Die Like Men
  Muderbot/Highlander. The rest of the IntoABar fic I posted literally minutes before deadline in which Methos is trying to track down the rogue construct who looks suspiciously like a missing Immortal of his acquaintance, and the rogue construct's acquaintances are trying to stop anyone at all from tracking it down. Unfortunately, Methos has been hacking the system since before computers were even invented.
  Why it's not done: I got up to the point where I needed to figure out what Murderbot actually *was* up to, and got stuck.
  
• ♠ 6 : I Wrote This Instead Of Sleeping
  MDZS. The Star Trek crossover where Cadet Wei failed his Kobayashi Maru, and is being very squirrelly about his scheduled retake. Luckly, Lan Zhan is *on this* and ready to keep the only other half-Vulcan cadet at the Academy from getting himself expelled for a pointless rulebreaking.
  Why it's not done: Honestly, because when I try to work on it when not in a sleep-dep-induced altered state, it doesn't feel right.
  
• ♠ 5 : WIP
  MCU. The Star Wars crossover where Steve Rogers is an Old Republic Jedi who's been in a Force trance in a debris field for twenty years, and Tony Stark is an Alderaanian refugee trying to track down the last of his dad's old weapons research. (it's the sequel to the one where he slept with Princess Leia).
  Why it's not done: There is. So much. Star Wars canon. Also I am just kind of Done with MCU, except what's in my WIPs file? I just don't care anymore.
  
• ♠ 4 : One-Shot
  Star Trek: TOS. I actually have a whole list of one-shot post-eps I have about one sentence each on (mostly involving Kirk sleeping with guest stars and/or Spock flirting with McCoy and occasionally Uhurua, Sulu, and Scotty saving the day).
  Why it's not done: Because by the time the episode is over it's 10 pm and I still have to wash the dishes and feed the cat and be ready for work tomorrow, and I'm still not used to writing fic when I haven't just watched canon and I know I can't easily refer back to it. (How did people do it when they had to stay up to watch shows every night of the week??)
  
• ♠ 3 : Prompt Fill
  Good Omens. In which Aziraphale and Crowley visit a certain historically accurate gentleman's club
  Why it's not done: Porn is hard. *Victorian* porn involves shamelessly doing stuff that modern kids consider unspeakably scandalous.
  
• ♠ 2 : Post-Canon
  The Thick Of It. The one where Malcolm Tucker made a time-limited deal with the Devil to keep Labour in power, but now the debt is coming due...
  Why it's not done: Because politics has become so much more of a tire fire since Malcolm Tucker's day it's hard to have fun with it.
  
• ♠ 1 : Drabble
  I! Have! No! Unfinished! Drabbles!!!! :D
  
• ♦ King of Diamonds : Omegaverse
  Stargate: Atlantis. The one where Atlantis is going to sink into the sea if Rodney doesn't finish this work of Unprecedented Theoretical and Practical Genius in the next six hours, but unfortunately he's going into heat, and the suppressants fog his brain, but heat fogs it even more, so he needs an Alpha who's willing to hold a knot in him long enough for him to finish coding it (without being distracting!) and unfortunately it can't be Radek because Radek is too busy handling the *rest* of the crisis.
  Why it's not done: Porn. Porn is hard. Also: probably the only a/b/o fic I'll ever write, so I want it to be good.
  
• ♦ Queen : Royalty AU
  Not really what the tag is usually used for, but:
  Barrayar. The Study in Emerald crossover where being Vor means you're part eldritch abomination; a collection of vignettes from an alternate canon.
  Why it's not done: I need to reread a bunch more of canon, and haven't gotten around to it lately.
  
• ♦ Jack : Coffeshop AU
  Star Trek: TOS. The pre-TMP story where Kirk shirks off Admiraling to spend time in the Admiralty canteen, and ends up inventing Ten-Forward a century or so early.
  Why it's not done: I'd need to rewatch the movies, which I can't do for another twelve years in Journey time. Sorry.
  
• ♦ 10 : High School/College AU
  Okay this one was actually the hardest to match a fic on!! I am just not interested in this with characters who aren't already there in canon? So the closest I've got is putting characters, some of whom are canonically in college, in a different educational setup.
  Les Miserables. The Naruto crossover where Valjean's Genin team is going to either be the death of him or the salvation of Hikarigakure, definitely one or the other.
  Why it's not done: Action scenes are hard. :(
  
• ♦ 9 : De-Aging
  Stargate: SG1. The one where Jack and Thor get pulled into a decrepit version of the old Asgard afterlife (which is, of course, actually a virtual reality simulation while the derelict ship they're on is growing them new young strong cloned bodies that match the ones they have in the simulation.)
  Why it's not done: Requires a surprising amount of canon knowledge for a crackship crackfic, also still have not ever met anyone else who ships it, which is discouraging.
  
• ♦ 8 : Alternate Universe: Time Travel
  Highlander. The one where instead of Mac doing It's a Wonderful Life at his low point like in canon, Methos gets to do A Wizard of Oz. Except Oz is actually a post-apocalyptic France in a future where he never existed and the Game is much farther along.
  Why it's not done: Writing Cassandra as the Wicked Witch of the West requires me to figure out my Cassandra feelings, which I still have not done.
  
• ♦ 7 : Alternate Universe: Modern
  Les Miserables: The one where somebody put out a dare years ago to write a modern e/R AU the way Victor Hugo would have, so it starts as an intensely generic Enjolras/Grantaire At An American University before veering into ~10000 words of deep dive water & sewer politics and metaphor.
  Why it's not done: Still need moar sewer facts.
  
• ♦ 6 : Genderbend
  Another one where I had some trouble easily matching, but there are Good Omens fics, and what is angel gender anyway?
  Good Omens (TV). In which Crowley, post-canon, comes to a private accord with God, and learns to reach out to sense love again. There's some crogglement about not being able to sense any from the Angel, until a little incident with hellfire clears a few things up.
  Why it's not done: Theology. This needs so much theology. Theology is hard.
  
• ♦ 5 : Fantasy
  OK all my fandoms are already fantasy? So this is a bit of a cheat.
  Locked Tomb. The Earthsea AU where the Arha after Tenar has to learn to live with an Undertomb that has been Opened, not to mention a High Priestess of the God-King who cares more about good food than traditions, Twin Priestesses of the Twin gods who are just way too much everything, and a fellow novice who won't stop sneaking out to swordfight with the guards - not to mention meddling Roke sorcerers who think they know everything, and their unfairly competent bodyguards who actually might.
  Why it's not done: Do I really have to re-read The Other Wind though? Also I haven't figured out how to get a permanent Darkness status effect in my Minecraft Undertomb without risk of death-by-Warden.
  
• ♦ 4 : Alternate Universe: Medical
  Les Miserables. The one where Marius is a booby, the rest of the Amis are penguins, Grantaire is a walrus, and Cosette and Eponine both work in vet med and like boobies (and tits). Also the night guard at the aquarium can't figure out how the elderly octopus keeps escaping.
  Why it's not done: Need more aquarium research. Also keeps trying to become a much larger story than it was meant to be and I keep having to wrestle it back down.
  
• ♦ 3 : Alternate Universe: Magical Creatures
  Anne of Green Gables. the one where everything else is the same, except Anne is a dragon.
  Why it's not done: the baby cousin I was writing it for is about to graduate college ;_;
  
• ♦ 2 : Alternate Universe: Human
  Good Omens. The one where Aziraphale and Crowley have been experimenting with their human corporations for a long time and a lot more deeply than anyone realizes (and have had half a dozen fully-human children off each other, over the millennia.)
  Why it's not done: So it's technically a crossover with Mark Twain's Letters from Eden universe, and I still haven't finished that re-read.
  
• ♦ Ace : Canon Divergence - Fixit
  Les Miserables. The one where Montparnasse washes up at the Rue de l'Homme Arme after the emeute, and is so convinced that Valjean only wants him as a kept boy that Valjean eventually gives in just out of exhaustion. (AKA: how many LM fixits can I come up with that are only a sixteenth-inch better than canon)
  Why it's not done: Porn, and also I keep losing my nerve.
  
• ♣ King of Clubs : Fluff
  MCU. The one where instead of sending the amnesiac Winter Solider to kill Captain America, they send him to seduce him. And when Steve meets someone who reminds him so much of Bucky he know it's not healthy to but Sam did tell him to get out there and find something to make him happy…. (in which Steve and Bucky have a vaseline-smeared perfect romcom while Natasha and Clint and Sharon and Maria take down Hydra in the background without Steve noticing.)
  Why it's not done: See above about the MCU :( I haven't really liked any of the Avengers stuff since Winter Soldier, which is definitely a thing.
  
• ♣ Queen : Angst
  Harry Potter. Five people, Christmas, 1982
  Why it's not done: I have said I'm going to finish this for Christmas literally every year since 2002 and I still have not. Will it be this year??? (This is the oldest and saddest story on this list.)
  
• ♣ Jack : Horror
  A Night in the Lonesome October. The next part of the massive crossover fic, in which we meet the last of the Players, alignments come clear, and some Peril is Averted.
  Why it's not done: Part Three is on schedule for posting at the next Halloween Full Moon in 2039.
  
• ♣ 10 : Drama
  MCU. The one where the Red Room's youngest active agent, less-than-six Natashenka, is on a deep cover mission with her handler and the Winter Soldier when the handler gets killed and she has to take over as supervising agent and mission lead.
  Why it's not done: See above about the MCU, also Red Room canon has. gone places. since I started this.
  
• ♣ 9 : Humor
  Deadpool. The Deadpool readerfic where he is regretting agreeing to fuck this Totally Generic Reader Insert a, because it's kind of disconcerting how Totally Generic they are, and b, because both Vanessa and the fic author keep kibitzing, and besides he's not convinced the author will ever live up to her promise to write him into some uncomplicated fluff later as payment.
  Why it's not done: Canon voices are really hard in Deadpool, and so is writing a Sufficiently Generic Reader Insert when everybody but them knows that's what they are. Also, porn.
  
• ♣ 8 : Character Study
  Les Miserables. the one where canon Grantaire buys a sketchy love potion that is supposed to make the object of your affection forced to obey the every desire of the person who watches them drink it, and of course he secretly takes it himself while holding Enjolras's gaze. This is neither as helpful nor as uncomplicated nor as self-abnegating as he might have hoped.
  Why it's not done: Canon-era Grantaire voice is SO HARD done at any length.
  
• ♣ 7 : Hurt/Comfort
  MCU. When the Wakandans helped deprogram Bucky, they found a few triggers that affected- 'intimate situations', and suggested that as they weren't dangerous to others it might be healthier for him to work on reprogramming them with a trusted partner than in a lab setting. He's working on thinking about it.
  Why it's not done: See above about porn. And MCU. And being chicken. But also I got stuck on whether to set it in Wakanda (which means lots of careful Wakanda worldbuilding) or some generic safehouse somewhere else (which means actively avoiding Wakanda) and now I'm wondering if I should just throw out what I've got, finally watch the Sam/Bucky show, and rewrite it then (It was going to end up OT3 anyway)
  
• ♣ 6 : Silly
  Machineries of Empire. The Untitled Goose Game crossover where Jedao Two decides to be a remote participant in the annual Shuos Academy game design competition, Mikodez finds himself haunted by a vicious bird bearing a to-do list, and Zehun is conveniently off-station.
  Why it's not done: Need to re-read Revenant Gun which is just a really hard read, also may have missed the point when Goose Game crossovers were still relevant.
  
• ♣ 5 : Romance
  Locked Tomb. The modern Gothic AU based on the agonyaunt post where dude is going marry his daughter's bridesmaid except it's John/Harrow modern AU, everybody in the story is a lesbian (except Babs and possibly John), and there are ghosts and witches.
  Why it's not done: This one is less than two months old, give me a chance! Also romance is hard, and this is extra hard mode romance what with all the fake/secret relationships, orientation mismatches, deadly mysteries, incestuous vibes, manipulation, mental illness, trauma and polyamory (and ghosts and witches.)
  
• ♣ 4 : Schmoop
  Nimona. The post-canon story about identity and grief and the stories we tell ourselves and each other and the things we can't choose and the people we can. And also the importance of nametags as an accessibility tool.
  Why it's not done: All the stuff about how to process the fact that your government was the evil overlords has been hitting a bit too close to home the last few years.
  
• ♣ 3 : Crack
  Guardians of the Galaxy. The one where, post-first-movie, Groot and Rocket need to get re-married for tax reasons, and they offer to let the others in on it too, since it really helps with, like, smuggling things into prison if you have registered spouses, but it turns out Peter has weird Human hang-ups about marriage they need to work out first.
  Why it's not done: The way they made Groot into their kid in the second movie made it weird. I could probably work around it or just ignore the second movie but it would still be less fun. But I have so much of this written!
  
• ♣ 2 : Whump
  Doctor Who. The Five/Ainsley porn fic that really dives into what it means that the Master is no longer in a Time Lord body, but does it in the least emotionally healthy way possible.
  Why it's not done: There keeps being more Time Lord canon and I keep not being able to decide how much of it I want to ignore.
  
• ♣ 1 : Fix-It
  Untamed/The Twisted Ones. The IntoABar fic I started where a couple of wandering immortal cultivators run into a woman named Mouse and head down to Carolina to do some laying of ghosts (or possibly do some mad necromantic science, it's a coinflip)
  Why it's not done: Because writing horror fiction situated in the actual horrors of American landscapes is really tricky to do well.
  
• Joker : Wild Card (Calling for Magical Healing Dick)
  Les Miserables. The one where Valjean was part of some unethical prison experimentation, the result of which is that his dick cures TB. Will he make the sacrifices to save Fantine???
  Why it's not done: Valjean has been in the middle of a long dark night of the soul for about eight years now.
  
• Joker : Wild Card (Calling for Two People Walk Into A Bar)
  Machineries of Empire/Barrayar. The one where Jedao and Aral hook up at an insterstellar military conference.
  Why it's not done: Writing Jedao having healthy fun sex that is also in character is??? And this is easy mode where he's basically paired with someone who's himself after a lot of therapy, and yet.
  

(There are nearly 200000 words of fic in that Scrivener file.)