December Meme: A characteristic you enjoy in fan characters and can't stand in RL

[melannen]

This was actually really tough? I feel like, on the one hand, I'm pretty easy-going in real life (and probably willing to tolerate many things in actual people that I nope out of pretty fast in fiction) and on the other hand, this might require a kind of self-knowledge I'm really bad at, because I feel like I enjoy the same things in characters and in real people, but maybe I'm just not very good at understanding what I like in real people? Because I don't tend to analyze that very hard? and also I'm terrified that I will describe something I can't stand in RL people and everyone will go "...but that's you."

The best I could come up with is: I am really not interested in dealing with people who go for violent emotional outbursts in real life; and by that I mean not just emotional outburst of violence, but also outburst of violent emotion. I don't have, like, trauma reactions to it, the way some people do? But I don't enjoy it at all and if there's something that's going to make me actively avoid trying to engage with a person at all, it's that kind of reaction. (Like, the extremely occasional extremely justified cursing/screaming/rant is fine, but not people where dealing with that is a regular part of interaction with them.) (I mean, if there was somebody I already cared about who is doing this regularly because of extreme justification, I am going to extremely awkwardly try to support them? But I definitely don't go seeking more of that in my life.)

I wouldn't say it's something I look for in fan characters either, but I have enjoyed characters who do this, if only because it can be entertaining from a distance. Also, I think I tend to ... edit that kind of thing down, when it's coming through by text? Probably also when it's real people I know writing on the internet who are trying to express a real violent emotional outburst but because it's text, I'm not actually hearing the shouting or anything like that, I can just dial it down subconsciously to the level that doesn't make me cringe away.

Also, not so much character-specific, but I can certainly enjoy reading about romantic overtures in fiction that if they were aimed at me in Real Life would make me want to exit the room at approximately the speed of sound. (Also in fiction, I do tend to enjoy the "comfort" part of hurt-comfort, where one character is taking very good close care of another one, whereas when I personally am in that situation I go hedgehog and attempt to hide in a burrow and stab anyone who comes near.) (Also I tend to go on a lot about how important relationship conversation and stuff like that are in the fictional stuff I enjoy but in RL relationship conversations give me hives and nausea.)

Comments

[queenbookwench]

I love fictional characters who are emotionally guarded and cynical but secretly soft, and while I do like someone people like this in real life, I tend to find them frustratingly hard to read.

[melannen]

Ah, I can see that! I want to be one of those people in real life, so I just find them restful. :D

[dont_panic42]

Also in fiction, I do tend to enjoy the "comfort" part of hurt-comfort, where one character is taking very good close care of another one, whereas when I personally am in that situation I go hedgehog and attempt to hide in a burrow and stab anyone who comes near.

Hahaha, omg same. One of my friends has actually referred to me as a hedgehog. :)

[kore]

LOL all the hedgehog types are going to reply "Moi aussi!"

[recessional]

Porcupine. Hedgehog quills are not nearly aggressive enough.

[melannen]

I tend to focus more on the "leave me alone in my burrow" part than the "I will STAB YOU" part, but porcupine people are also very valid, siblings in spikes. :D

[melannen]

As the ancients said: The fox knows many strategies, but the hedgehog knows one good one. :D

[genarti]

Silent stoicism or other deep guardedness, is my immediate thought. I love characters like that! But in person, I am friendly and have social reflexes about ensuring conversation flows and so forth; someone very quiet whom I cannot read very well and do not know well enough to have companionable silence with is going to make me extremely twitchy, as I try to buoy the conversation along and make sure everyone is included despite not being chattery enough by nature to be able to buoy a conversation without expending a great deal of effort on it. The very prospect makes me want to say auuuggghhhh and hide. And I do know a few people like that, who are very lovely human beings in many ways but who stress me out to hang out with.

But in fiction, where I don't have to expend any social energy, I enjoy the heck of of that kind of character, whether or not I can see their internal thought processes (but extra if I can.)

Edit: I meant to say, I agree with you about the violent emotional outbursts thing, but I tend to be stressed out or annoyed by it in fictional characters too, unless I know they're doing it as a calculated thing. Not calculated as in manipulative relationships, but calculated as in "I am a spy and this will help me keep my cover or distract from my colleague sneaking into that air duct, OKAY GO."

Perfect perfect

[jesse_the_k]

perfect icon choice.

Re: Perfect perfect

[genarti]

Ha, thank you! I love that icon a great deal; it's only occasionally relevant, but when it is it's extremely satisfying to deploy.

[melannen]

I can see that! I like stoic/silent people though, because as soon as I read that on someone I can go "Oh thank god I can stop having to expend social energy on you." (It does make me twitchy when I can't tell if it's because they're just laconic or if it's because they don't like me in particular or if it's because they're shy and they actually do want to be drawn out, though. Fictional characters are easier to read. But once I know they really do just prefer the quiet, we're golden and I will get out my book.)

[kore]

(Also in fiction, I do tend to enjoy the "comfort" part of hurt-comfort, where one character is taking very good close care of another one, whereas when I personally am in that situation I go hedgehog and attempt to hide in a burrow and stab anyone who comes near.) (Also I tend to go on a lot about how important relationship conversation and stuff like that are in the fictional stuff I enjoy but in RL relationship conversations give me hives and nausea.)

//prickly hedgehog fist-bump

I think I'm a pretty easygoing person IRL (or at least like to think I am, LOL) but I neeeeeeed my personal time, probably because I grew up an only child with no internet. I remember hearing people talking about D&D sessions in college and being horrified because WHY would you want to spend like five or six hours at a time with other people that way. I also don't like people trying to be chummy at the bus stop. Or on the bus. Or in public transportation generally. I have a book, I'm good re human contact, thanks!

[melannen]

I can only take so much time in one go existing in the same world as other people! And then I need either daydream or reading time to recharge! And if I'm feeling bad, I need ALL my time to be daydream and reading time, don't make me have to interact with other human beings when I'm barely managing to be one myself.

[thenewbuzwuzz]

:)

[recessional]

Re comfort: this is hardcore the reason the bit about h/c I tend to like best is actually negotiating that problem. XP whether by route of "no it's actually that bad" or the very particular relationship or by making the comfort align with the defensive one's needs or simply by someone doing the metaphorical equivalent of sitting still and not fucking up long enough to earn trust.

[melannen]

Yes!

And I really love the version of fictional hurt-comfort where it's "well, I basically just put out milk and tuna and then let them hide until they curled up on my lap of their own volition," even though for me personally - I can tell you from experience - this results in me going "huh, magically appearing food, that's kind of weird," not eating it, and barricading my lair even harder.

[recessional]

I have explicitly trained myself out of that as much as possible bc I'm fucked up often enough that not giving people close to me some way to offer help in Damaged Moments becomes a very frequently repeating experience of rejection for them.

It already happens often enough that I know it has damaged more than one relationship, so. And I also do in fact know it feels shitty to have someone you're very fond of repeatedly reject emotional closeness even if you understand why. So.

[zlabya]

This has me thinking about "guilty pleasure" characters in stories I've loved. Two anime/manga characters I love are controlling bastards which is something I loathe in real life (my ex-husband was one). Each has a "justifiable" reason which is why I sort of forgive them (see icon--Lelouch vi Brittania literally makes a devil's bargain for the ability to control people so he can start an international revolution and end his family's extensive dictatorship). The characters have to have a certain level of charm and vulnerability. This is very rare; as I said, I've only let 2 characters get away with this--the other is Elias Ainsworth in The Ancient Magus' Bride and he's not nearly as controlling as Lelouch but then that's not hard.
I think it's my generation--the "men should be masterful" thing but as I said, only in fiction. In real life, it's "run away! run away!

But in real life? Stay away from me, far far away!

[melannen]

Oooh, yeah, that's a good one - I can be into a fanfic where one of the characters is really controlling as long as it's played as consensual and the other person into it, but I don't want that near me in RL. (Although I think even then, I would only be into the character if part of their control was self-control that meant they *only* did it with the person who liked it, not if it was a basic part of all their interactions.)

[jesse_the_k]

in RL relationship conversations give me hives and nausea and isn't this the best reason in the world to write fanfic? Entire control of the r-ship convo level.

[melannen]

Yes! I can write the conversations that I have in my head instead of having them in RL. :D