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good thing/bad thing
I was going to post that today started with a cat spewing an INCREDIBLE amount all over the living room floor and ended with everybody else at work calling out sick so I had to do four staff members' worth of closing down all by myself, but that's not actually true, because today actually started with me having a long lovely dream about not!Mad Max becoming not!Furiosa's veiled and cloistered harem wife which was actually a pretty good start to the day.
(I know that sounds like it would be a sex dream but my subconscious was WAY more interested in the worldbuilding and backstory required to explain why it made perfect sense that the square-jawed laconic machismo white dude action hero became the demure and cloistered favorite wife of the badass warrior woman who led the desert rebellion, and liked it. We didn't actually get around to the point with the sex. The worldbuilding/plot actually hangs together pretty well as these things go, though.
...also my dream specifically informed me that it had nothing to do with Mad Max, we were watching the new Smokey and the Bandit remake instead. Thanks, brain.)
Anyway, you can assume the day went downhill after that, because it would, wouldn't it. Also the weekend + monday was lost to several things, including me spilling a drink on my laptop and ruining the keyboard such that I don't think I can even replace the keyboard 'cause the socket on the motherboard is borked. (everything else is still fine though? I'm typing this on a USB keyboard, now I have to decide if I want to attempt to fix it or just call it a day and get a new laptop. Or make do for awhile with this computer + external keyboard + ancient eeepc if I really need to be portable.)
Also we went to Beach City for the day Sunday, which was AMAZING, the weather was perfect, the water was perfect, the surf was choppy enough that just standing there up to your knees was an adventure, it wasn't too crowded, I got sunburned all down my back and got something in my eye that inflamed an old injury and left me having to rest with my eyes closed for five minutes out of every twenty all day Monday. (it's better now.) It was great.
Also! I wore my new(est) bathing suit, which was a tankini top and a pair of knee-length marketed-to-men board shorts, and OMG. Why did it take me to this point in my life to realize that board shorts were the platonic ideal bathing suit I'd been looking for all my life and never finding???
Here are some reasons why persons of all genders should just wear board shorts to swim in:
1. THEY HAVE POCKETS
2. They cover your legs all the way to your knees, so you don't have to feel self-conscious about your weird-shaped butt or those red spots on your thighs or the way your pube stubble goes halfway to your knees
3. ....or sitting cross-legged or with your legs apart
4. .....or sitting on hot metal benches in the sun
5. They are designed to look good&natural with hairy unshaven legs. And a t-shirt or tank on top.
6. They have a drawstring! You can tie them so they will 100% definitely not get pulled off in the surf!
7. They are super-loose all the way up so sand doesn't get packed into uncomfortable places in them, it just all falls out when you stand up
8. ...but they are fitted enough that they don't get air trapped in them and float up weird and make it hard to swim like all the long/loose bathing suits I have ever seen sold to women
9. They are made of that thin crinkly nylon that dries super-fast, not the layers of sopping spandex that are in suits sold for women and gets really ridiculous for suits with any amount of fabric in them
10. No having to rub sunscreen up in ridiculous places or get sunburned in spots you will want to sit on later
11. I did not get a wedgie even once!
12. They are sold in men's departments and thus findable in shapes that actually fit human-type people for reasonable prices.
13. You can pretend you are Snoopy wearing his jams and riding his surfboard
14. In conclusion I am never swimming in anything but boardshorts ever again and if you are even vaguely shaped in such a way that you can wear pants designed for men you should all go buy some while the long narrow-leg ones are still trendy and easy-ish to find.
Anyway all of that means there's stuff I should have posted about before and haven't so I will hopefully end up mini-spamming you tonight, apologies in advance!
(I know that sounds like it would be a sex dream but my subconscious was WAY more interested in the worldbuilding and backstory required to explain why it made perfect sense that the square-jawed laconic machismo white dude action hero became the demure and cloistered favorite wife of the badass warrior woman who led the desert rebellion, and liked it. We didn't actually get around to the point with the sex. The worldbuilding/plot actually hangs together pretty well as these things go, though.
...also my dream specifically informed me that it had nothing to do with Mad Max, we were watching the new Smokey and the Bandit remake instead. Thanks, brain.)
Anyway, you can assume the day went downhill after that, because it would, wouldn't it. Also the weekend + monday was lost to several things, including me spilling a drink on my laptop and ruining the keyboard such that I don't think I can even replace the keyboard 'cause the socket on the motherboard is borked. (everything else is still fine though? I'm typing this on a USB keyboard, now I have to decide if I want to attempt to fix it or just call it a day and get a new laptop. Or make do for awhile with this computer + external keyboard + ancient eeepc if I really need to be portable.)
Also we went to Beach City for the day Sunday, which was AMAZING, the weather was perfect, the water was perfect, the surf was choppy enough that just standing there up to your knees was an adventure, it wasn't too crowded, I got sunburned all down my back and got something in my eye that inflamed an old injury and left me having to rest with my eyes closed for five minutes out of every twenty all day Monday. (it's better now.) It was great.
Also! I wore my new(est) bathing suit, which was a tankini top and a pair of knee-length marketed-to-men board shorts, and OMG. Why did it take me to this point in my life to realize that board shorts were the platonic ideal bathing suit I'd been looking for all my life and never finding???
Here are some reasons why persons of all genders should just wear board shorts to swim in:
1. THEY HAVE POCKETS
2. They cover your legs all the way to your knees, so you don't have to feel self-conscious about your weird-shaped butt or those red spots on your thighs or the way your pube stubble goes halfway to your knees
3. ....or sitting cross-legged or with your legs apart
4. .....or sitting on hot metal benches in the sun
5. They are designed to look good&natural with hairy unshaven legs. And a t-shirt or tank on top.
6. They have a drawstring! You can tie them so they will 100% definitely not get pulled off in the surf!
7. They are super-loose all the way up so sand doesn't get packed into uncomfortable places in them, it just all falls out when you stand up
8. ...but they are fitted enough that they don't get air trapped in them and float up weird and make it hard to swim like all the long/loose bathing suits I have ever seen sold to women
9. They are made of that thin crinkly nylon that dries super-fast, not the layers of sopping spandex that are in suits sold for women and gets really ridiculous for suits with any amount of fabric in them
10. No having to rub sunscreen up in ridiculous places or get sunburned in spots you will want to sit on later
11. I did not get a wedgie even once!
12. They are sold in men's departments and thus findable in shapes that actually fit human-type people for reasonable prices.
13. You can pretend you are Snoopy wearing his jams and riding his surfboard
14. In conclusion I am never swimming in anything but boardshorts ever again and if you are even vaguely shaped in such a way that you can wear pants designed for men you should all go buy some while the long narrow-leg ones are still trendy and easy-ish to find.
Anyway all of that means there's stuff I should have posted about before and haven't so I will hopefully end up mini-spamming you tonight, apologies in advance!
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Of course, she's very much against wearing boy's clothing, so... Maybe I could just not tell her?
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I gave up on the sleeves thing after awhile because there's just NO women's or girl's bathing suits with sleeves that you can find in the stores, props to you that you found anything at all. I wore old t-shirts while swimming for a long time. Although you can usually find dance leotards with short sleeves? But not with shorts.
The no boys' clothing thing is hard though, even after I got more willing to wear men's stuff I felt weird about bathing suits because it somehow seems closer to underwear and men's underwear is gross? But I am so glad I finally got over the last of that and tried it because so great.
Other than not telling her (and there are a lot of floral-pattern ones, so you might get away with that) the only thing I can suggest is if you can sew or know someone who can sew, finding a girls' or unisex drawstring shorts pattern and sewing them yourself out of that thin nylon, somehow that never felt like it counted as boys clothes.
ETA: I poked around and apparently there are some places selling long board shorts for women this year? Nordstrom's online has them, at least. Of course they probably are made out of crappier fabric and have no pockets but. it's worth a try maybe?
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I've tried athletic suits a few times, but they tend to do the shoulder straps in ways that just don't work well with my shoulders and I end up with a tense, sore neck after an hour or so. :/ I've considered trying one of the knees-to-elbows wetsuits a few times but they're all pretty expensive for me, and I really hate peeling wet spandex off myself, so I haven't gotten around to it.
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Aahahaha, I love your brain.
Also, those board shorts sound amazing!
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....Smokey and the Bandit is apparently an action film that is one long high-speed chase involving a semi trailer full of refreshing liquid and a runaway bride. My dream brain must have known more about it than I did; my conscious brain had it confused with B.J. and the Bear....
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Also I wish that your dream was something watchable/shareable, alas. We need more shows where the worldbuilding allows for white dude action heroes becoming the demure wives of badass warrior women.
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(...the fact that I buy most of my clothes used might have something to do with why I still think boys' underwear is gross. Not that I ever buy underwear used but. boys *are* icky, so. :P)
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(yay it's working.)
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But yes. So great.
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Then he spent several weeks isolated and in pain and bored out of his mind in the wives' chambers, terrified, and crushed by the way he UTTERLY failed at his job that was the main part of his identity and the way all the narratives he'd been raised on had failed, and by the time he's healed enough that it's his turn to go to her chambers at night he's already sort of been conditioned into feeling truly frightened to be out under the sun or have people look at his face?
And then there was the long sequence where the two of them actually slowly get to know each other and she explains that the culture has a tradition of women taking men's leadership roles - not often, but enough that she can pull it off if she follows the traditions closely enough - including having wives and concubines just like a male leader does, and she wants to release the other wives eventually if they want to go, but she's keeping him because at least he did stuff to earn that kind of life and she needs at least one to prop up her position and she can't let him go anyway (there's also a tradition of men very occasionally choosing a wife's role and marrying another man, but only if they 100% absolutely stick to a wife's place. Not usually both of those at once but if it works....)
Anyway yeah. After that it was a lot of just the two of them learning that they actually respect the hell out of each other despite everything, and learning how to inhabit their new identities, and him learning how a traditional wife's life works in that society and realizing he actually is kind of better suited to that than he ever was to ultra-machismo? and at some point he becomes a political advisor under the guise of being her favorite wife and therefore serving her at meetings and dinners and whispering advice in her ear as if it's sweet nothings. This would also be the point with all the d/S-y and gender-fuck-y sex in the long version, presumably, but it's also sort of where the dream petered out? There's also a lot of stuff about the changing roles of women etc. under his culture's outside influence and how she's trying to keep a balance between the two, and bring in the good things from outside without losing what's important to them, which was awfully deep for an erotic kink story. I think eventually she's like "so I've been trying to make nice with your bosses but they're insisting on actual proof that you're alive and not imprisoned, can I trust you to video-call them" and he realizes that this is the point where he can use code-words to call for a rescue. But he doesn't actually want to because he legit likes who he is now better than who he was before and likes the work he's doing and likes not ever having to show himself to anyone but her.
...I may have written down a synopsis immediately on waking just in case I ever get around to writing up a long version later.
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I'm now seriously considering board shorts for my next bathing-suit bottoms. Or men's trunks. The crinkly-light fabric is one of the major attractions, the pubic-hair issue is another.
clothing sine qua non
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Re: clothing sine qua non
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