The first time they kiss (for real, with intent) is the result of Byerly starting a subtle campaign to turn their two marriages into the foursome/sedoretu they were clearly meant to be (if any pair of canon couples is going to independently invent the sedoretu it's those four.)
Byerly starts, like, trying to inject some suggestions of romance into their interactions? And touch him more? And expose him to galactic expressions of free sexuality? And so on?
It might have worked except Ivan's shenanigans radar goes off really early in the process. Very few people understand exactly how sensitive Ivan's shenanigans radar actually is. His mother, maybe, who supported him in developing it from a very early age. Gregor, who figured out eventually that if Ivan started quietly avoiding something for reasons he was unwilling to articulate it wouldn't be a bad idea to get Simon to look in that direction. Miles certainly never figured it out just how good Ivan was at detecting and avoiding plots because when Miles was directly involved Ivan usually let himself be dragged in anyway (also lbr Miles doesn't do subtle.) Byerly has some inkling, but he didn't really get to know Ivan until he was past the real peak of his defensive paranoia, so he doesn't understand just how well-tuned and reflexive that avoidance is.
So Byerly starts a subtle campaign of desensitizing Ivan to the idea of being in a romantic relationship with By, and Ivan's hindbrain figures out the "subtle campaign involving Vorrutyer" part long before he bothers to think about why there would be a plot, and frankly he got off of Barrayar he is DONE with secret plots, so he starts avoiding Byerly - turning down all his overtures just as subtly, but much more flatly, than By is offering them. Putting plenty of space between them. Making excuses to avoid social engagements. Shutting down attempts at conversation.
And By, of course, assumes he's avoiding him because of the gay sex part, not because of the 'secret plot' part, and gets kind of depressed, because, as he whined to Tej and Rish over drinks many times, he'd known Ivan was very Barrayaran but he hadn't realized he was that offended by the whole idea, and tbh Tej hadn't thought she'd married that kind of man either?
So finally Tej arranges to get them all four in the same room with the doors locked and goes "Ivan what is WITH you, By is very sad that you are avoiding him, he just wants to have sex with you." And a lightbulb goes on over Ivan's head as he suddenly figures it out and is like "OH! Is that what that was about, I thought someone was going to try to make me Emperor or blow up a wormhole or something," and Rish is like "Oh my god, no, we were just trying to gently feel you out about the concept of a foursome," and by this point By has just sort of folded over himself and is pretending he is not there? Because of course Ivan would assume the worst, what was he thinking.
And Ivan goes, "By. By, look at me. Seriously. What about me made you think it would take subtlety to talk me into a foursome?" and drags him into what is POSSIBLY the best kiss he's ever had, he now sort of understands why his cousin had such a soft spot for the idiot.
Ivan/Byerly, first kiss
Byerly starts, like, trying to inject some suggestions of romance into their interactions? And touch him more? And expose him to galactic expressions of free sexuality? And so on?
It might have worked except Ivan's shenanigans radar goes off really early in the process. Very few people understand exactly how sensitive Ivan's shenanigans radar actually is. His mother, maybe, who supported him in developing it from a very early age. Gregor, who figured out eventually that if Ivan started quietly avoiding something for reasons he was unwilling to articulate it wouldn't be a bad idea to get Simon to look in that direction. Miles certainly never figured it out just how good Ivan was at detecting and avoiding plots because when Miles was directly involved Ivan usually let himself be dragged in anyway (also lbr Miles doesn't do subtle.) Byerly has some inkling, but he didn't really get to know Ivan until he was past the real peak of his defensive paranoia, so he doesn't understand just how well-tuned and reflexive that avoidance is.
So Byerly starts a subtle campaign of desensitizing Ivan to the idea of being in a romantic relationship with By, and Ivan's hindbrain figures out the "subtle campaign involving Vorrutyer" part long before he bothers to think about why there would be a plot, and frankly he got off of Barrayar he is DONE with secret plots, so he starts avoiding Byerly - turning down all his overtures just as subtly, but much more flatly, than By is offering them. Putting plenty of space between them. Making excuses to avoid social engagements. Shutting down attempts at conversation.
And By, of course, assumes he's avoiding him because of the gay sex part, not because of the 'secret plot' part, and gets kind of depressed, because, as he whined to Tej and Rish over drinks many times, he'd known Ivan was very Barrayaran but he hadn't realized he was that offended by the whole idea, and tbh Tej hadn't thought she'd married that kind of man either?
So finally Tej arranges to get them all four in the same room with the doors locked and goes "Ivan what is WITH you, By is very sad that you are avoiding him, he just wants to have sex with you." And a lightbulb goes on over Ivan's head as he suddenly figures it out and is like "OH! Is that what that was about, I thought someone was going to try to make me Emperor or blow up a wormhole or something," and Rish is like "Oh my god, no, we were just trying to gently feel you out about the concept of a foursome," and by this point By has just sort of folded over himself and is pretending he is not there? Because of course Ivan would assume the worst, what was he thinking.
And Ivan goes, "By. By, look at me. Seriously. What about me made you think it would take subtlety to talk me into a foursome?" and drags him into what is POSSIBLY the best kiss he's ever had, he now sort of understands why his cousin had such a soft spot for the idiot.