So other than that, how was the wedding?

[melannen]

Even though everyone reading this who knew him already knows (and has probably posted their own entry about it,) someone who was very important to my family and friends committed suicide Saturday after leaving a note on lj. I'm having the same reaction I had in November: "Er, sorry, I don't *have* a reaction for that, please ask again when I've had time to prepare one." I've been saying "numb" or "in shock" but I never really got beyond that with Dad, either. We spent yesterday just being together and we brought dreamsquirrel home with us for a day or two.

My great-uncle died yesterday in the nursing home, we got the phone call this morning.

It seems like my life lately has been one long series of Very Bad Things, with just enough time in between to decompress and remember quiet joy. But not enough time to catch up on all the parts of life that I let slide during the crisis, so I'm slipping downhill very slowly.. But it *is* more important to take a long walk and stare at the wildflowers, or watch britcoms on the couch with Mom, or quilt on Mondays and listen to Mary and Nellie and Helen talk about knitting or canning or watching their mother skin rabbits for supper. Things like grades and jobs and writing get dropped many points on the priority list.

Which is why I haven't posted much lately, in part. And it feels wrong to squee about the "theyaresomarried" line in PoA now. Which is silly, in a way, since watching x-files and anime and reading fic is a large part of how we're avoiding the big purple elephant that's following us around.

Thank you, katrianya, for being the first person who reminded me of who he was when he was my friend and why he was the closest thing to an older brother I've ever had.

Mom wants me to check my grades now, and I might as well do it when it isn't going to make me feel any worse.
ETA:I passed everything! sweet. (maybe unimpressive, unless you know what a horrible semester I made.)

Comments

[aurora77]

*hug*

[zodiaccat.livejournal.com]

Like I said before, I didn't know reclusivewaffle at all, but it's always a Very Bad Thing when a friend dies. In truth, since I loathe suicide, the only person I *really* feel sorry for is dreamsquirrel, since I understand he (she?) was the roommate, and his (her?) living situation is now in question. Still, hope all y'all pull through okay.

...

Wait... britcoms were on last weekend? I was seeing mostly music... Doctor Who is nice and all, but I miss my Chef!

[katrianya.livejournal.com]

that's good, i was afraid i was early or out of line or breaking some rule, why i lj-cut it. while my memories are older, they are still vivid i miss who he was when i knew him better...

[luminousmarble.livejournal.com]

*sends hugs and chocolate*

[theemptylife.livejournal.com]

Death is frustrating in that its impossible to know what to say about it, especially once its actually arrived and youre no longer dealing with abstracts.

Suffice to say that the best post-death comment made in fiction is "...Top five songs about death...a Laura's Dad Tribute list," from High Fidelity, and that the best post-death comment I can come up with right now on my own is "I'm Sorry."

I do feel the need the be profound and helpful in such situations as it is my nature, so I really must say with great sincerity that I'm sorry your life has been touched by tragedy so often as of late and that I hope it gets better. And I like to think from experience that such things can not go on forever because, if nothing else, our pure desire and need for tangible joy will force us there somehow.

Now, I cant give what I dont believe in, so my prayers are out. But you have my thoughts of kindness, warmth, compassion, and sympathy. Meager as they seem, it's all anyone can really give in this circumstance and with any luck, its what you need from the world right now.

Live on.