melannen | violence. And profanity. Ahh, profanity.

Am doing background research for

polyfic which is slowly getting done, and I ran across this. Parent's guide to Once Upon a Time In Mexico! I especially like the "Violence" section, which is the most usefully complete summary of the movie I've found online. And am very amused that among the list of profane words and phrases young people might be tempted to imitate, they *don't* include f*ckmook. (Google suggests that word might be misspelled, and points you to the CIA World Factbook instead. I probably shouldn't find that as funny as I do.)

Anyway, in a similar spirit of not finishing things I have deadlines on, bits from OUaTiM slashy crossovers I'd really like to see, or, No, Doctor, I Don't Know Why They Thought I Needed Help. (all R, for Agent Sands and various kindred souls.) I will probably keep adding to them all weekend, as I feel the need to act out my end-of-semester primitive agression. Yes.

Edit: Okay, I went and ate some real food, and wandered around the library for a bit, and there's a really lovely thunderstorm going, and now Alex and Sheldon are discussing chick flicks in bed instead of shooting at each other. I should probably just go finish the polyfic.

I've picked up about half-a-dozen four-leaf clovers today. They're all being safely pressed in library books to be found by future generations of readers. But really, it begins to worry me when I find the weeds behind my dorm are half mutants.

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Well, at least if you steal a leprecons pot of gold, you'll be able to stop 'em! Those guys are killers when it comes to getting their gold back!

Since it was your birthday, I decided to write a fic about you.

Once upon a time, when there were founders, one of them was named

melannen. She was always pushed to the side by the other four, because they said that a fifth wheel upset their karmic balance.

melannen coped by wearing long dresses and a lot of black; eventually, even Salazar felt slightly afraid of her (but not so afraid that he hesitated to borrow her makeup--hee hee, he was a transvestite).

Rowena and Helga always whispered about her at mealtimes. But

melannen kept on eating her macaroni and cheese and ignoring them. She chatted with Godric, sometimes. Godric felt uncomfortable about it all, because he liked her enough to kiss her, and he didn't like that he was giving into peer pressure to exclude her.

The time came for the founders to build Hogwarts. Helga worked on the plans for ages and ages and nothing ever got done. Rowena kept bothering her about it, because she wanted them to be accurate. Salazar turned up his nose at the hard work and busied himself comissioning a big fence to go 'round the castle to keep the mudbloods out, and Godric--thick as ever--built a castle out of straw thatch that lasted about a week.

melannen saw right away that they couldn't run a school that collapsed in on itself every Wednesday morning. She had a power that none of the others had, and she was going to use it. She ventured out onto the grounds and picked up one perfect rock. Licking it, she muttered the incantation and began to sing.

Rocks came from near and far and stacked themselves into order, slowly but surely forming an ancient but modular castle that would change with necessity.

However, there had been a vile disease on one of the rocks. It was uncommon, but it took one's voice away. None of the other founders were well-read enough to recognize it, so when they found her and she muttered her final words ("hog warts"), they thought it was the incantation to hold the castle together for all time.

melannen lived a long and happy life, though not a talkative one. It pained her to hold her tongue when Rowena was being a know-it-all or when Salazar was being a prick, but in the end, it meant she didn't have to lecture either. The very best part was knowing that, despite her outsider qualities, Hogwarts would remain forever in her honor.

THE END

Thank you,

araminta_mp! I needed that! I even have laryngitis right now!

Oh no!

Stop licking rocks, then.

Really, though, I hope you get feeling better soon.

violence. And profanity. Ahh, profanity.

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Happy Birthday!

Re: Happy Birthday!

Re: Happy Birthday!