Complicated! Yes! And also, talking about that issue often comes perilously close to telling people they have to out themselves more than they want to, which is just, no, not somewhere I want to go, ever.

When I think about the queer-or-something women I meet in fandom, I think a lot of them are people who wouldn't, for whatever reason, feel like they had a place in other LGBT spaces, but still really need a community where queer, of many kinds, is not remarkable - that's certainly something I got out of slash fandom, and something I find really valuable about it.