I think the difference in experience between queer people who can present as ordinary housewives, and queer people who can't, is valid. But that doesn't make the queer identity of women married to men, or the heteronormative oppression they face, or the coping mechanisms they use to survive it, invalid - and I think the fear of getting shot down as "not queer enough" has been suppressing a lot of discussion of just how queer slash fandom is. Which I wish we'd been having.