Thank you for this! My field of expertise (thankfully?) is not one that is often reported on in public media, so there's less to be annoyed about in daily life. It's always nice to see someone who knows about the state of the field go through and deconstruct the claims of the article du jour.

given that Facebook at least was invented in order to make ivy league college girls feel like shit about themselves
Huh, this is the first I've heard of this! Do you have additional context?