nenya_kanadka: I was distracted by boobies! (@ boobies!)
nenya_kanadka ([personal profile] nenya_kanadka) wrote in [personal profile] melannen 2017-04-06 12:13 am (UTC)

This entire discussion is fascinating--thank you!

I have a copy of the book on my shelf, having been given it by a lesbian friend who really resonated with it, but not having gotten around to it yet. Your review makes it sound like something I may someday try out of curiosity, but I also feel way less guilty for not having read it yet! 😂

With both queer and feminist stuff I have often felt the way you do about this book--as if I'm reaching out for something Like Me (non-heteronormative, or not crushingly sexist, or whatever), and I hear that this book does that thing, and then I read it and I get slapped in the face about how I'm Wrong and Bad...this time from the other side. From the people who are claiming to support me and saying they hate the things that hurt me.

It's a special kind of pain. These days I'm a little better about realizing that different people need different ideas and stories and ways of conceptualizing things at different times, and that doesn't necessarily make either of us wrong. But that sense of betrayal from feeling like you reached out a hand for help and then were smacked down and told you were unworthy of help--when, perhaps, the reasons you're A Collaborator have less to do with the social justice issue at hand and more to do with a cultural difference or class issue or slightly different experiences...yeah. I feel you.

When I'm not in that angry, hurt space, it can be really fascinating to learn about different experiences under the same larger banner of feminism (or queer experience). Both for its own sake (I like to learn new things and understand people!) and as a way perhaps of being better at not doing that awful "you are wrong because you don't have my brain" thing to other people.

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