melannen: Commander Valentine of Alpha Squad Seven, a red-haired female Nick Fury in space, smoking contemplatively (Default)
melannen ([personal profile] melannen) wrote2003-06-03 02:32 pm

(no subject)

I am currently reviewing my paradigm of reality--

No, rewind. I've discovered that I did significantly less well in Chemistry than I'd hoped--

Not that either. . . In the city of Ankh-Morpork, there is a certain state of mind referred to as knurd, in which one has gone right past sobriety and off the other end of the scale, hyperaware yet blissfully numb. I propose a parallel state known as "ekawa"--

This, maybe? Maneuvering on a highway and through a combat zone are not qualitatively different; except in combat, there's a chance that if you're hit you can keep on going, and you don't need to worry about collateral damage--

Hmm-umm. It is impossible to ever have perfect unbreakable encryption: a system with no human factor will never be sufficiently random; a system with a human factor is subject to human error and complacency; a combination of the two merely includes *both* disadvantages--

Too confrontational. Perhaps this . . . I've never understood the appeal of recreational alcohol and drugs. Lowering inhibitions? Numbing emotions? Intensifying them? Slowing down the mind?Increasing concentration or attention span? Disconnected, floating sensation? Transcendental experiences? Increased creativity? Escape from self? Groovy hallucinations? You can get all that legally and nonaddictively just by staying up for a day or two--

Needs something lighter. I'd been looking for my glasses for days; at the last possible minute, this morning, I found them. On my dresser. Where they belong--

More abstract? I've never naturally thought in terms of left and right, north/south/east/west: my personal locator system works in terms of only up and down, back and forth, like your basic Cartesian grid. Go up this road, turn back on that one, go down a few blocks, then forth, and you've made a square, see? This may explain why I've loved graph theory since it was first introduced to me. Or why people claim I can never find my way around . .

No. More dramatic? I'm an addict, you know. Early onset: emotional dependence, not physical, thanks be. It's been part of me almost as long as I remember-- introduced by my family, of course. Spend all my time thinking about my next hit; neglect meals, neglect sleep, family, friends, health, career; when I've got a good batch of the stuff I can't think of anything else until it's gone, and then I only need more. All my money goes toward the habit; in every crisis in my life, every emotional upset, I turn to my habit, and it makes the hurt go away. No, books. Most dangerous substance in the world. What did you think I meant? . .

This does actually make a coherent story, were I coherent. As so:
About a week ago I checked out Cryptonomicon from the local library, but delayed reading it, as I had the sinking feeling that it was the sort of book that would insist on being read in one sitting. But last night I got a bit of unexpected bad news; and as usual, instead of making a healthy attempt to deal with it, work things out, or even wallow in proper worry and guilt, I ran and hid. Hid from the world in the pages of the nearest good novel.
i was right, too. i didn't stop reading until ten this morning, and then only because Mom called me to help her pick the car up from the shop, which entailed me driving it back by myself through Glen Burnie. I hadn't driven for several months, and I've never made it through GB without getting lost, but in the haze of sleep-deprivation I agreed. And spent something like an hour driving around in circles. I am *never* driving in downtown Glen Burnie again. Ever.
The book is amazing, though. And since I''m almost halfway there, I think I shall try to stay up till evening and put myself back on a rational sleep schedule. We'll see.

[identity profile] speakerender.livejournal.com 2003-06-03 07:16 pm (UTC)(link)
So I suppose asking you to do lunch in downtown GB is a no? *wink*

(Anonymous) 2003-06-04 06:29 am (UTC)(link)
Glen Burnie is confusing at times, if you haven't been walking all the little side-streets for years. When I finally got driving, I already knew where everything was! :D


-ZC